Penis Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was a male bodybuilder who was tanning. He was looking in a mirror naked one day, and noticed his penis wasn't tanned. He suddenly got an idea. He went to the beach, and covered himself with sand, except for his penis.

Two old ladies passed, and one said, Damn injustice! The other one said why.

The first one said:
- at 15 I was curious about it
- at 20, I got it constantly
- at 30 I asked for it
- at 40, I begged for it
- at 50, I paid for it
- at 60, I prayed for it
- at 70, I forgot about it

And at 80, they are growing wild, and I'm too young to squat!

Ok this guy named Rhys david betts walks into a tatoo shop and asked the man if he could put a tatoo of a 100 doller bill on his penis. So the man said that it was no problem.Later the man asked Rhys why he wants a 100 bill on this penis. So Rhys then said "My wife hasnt bin giving me blow jobs lately, and she said she could blow a 100 doller bill in no time!!

The kings of Spain, France, and England all stand on stage together in front of their nations all ready to see who of the three has the largest penis.The king of Spain takes his out and as they all see the impressive proportions all the Spanish people shout: "Viva Espania!"The king of France is next and as his is even larger, all the French scream: "Vive la France!"Next comes the king of England, and just as he drops his pants and takes his out, everyone exclaims: "God save the Queen!"

A guy goes to a doctor and says, "Doc, you've got to help me. My penis is orange." Doctor pauses to think and asks the guy to drop his pants so he can check. Damned if the guy's penis isn't orange. Doc tells the guy, "This is very strange. Sometimes things like this are caused by a lot of stress in a person's life."
Probing as to the causes of possible stress, the doc asks the guy, "How are things going at work?" The guy responds that he was fired about six weeks ago. The doctor tells him that this must be the cause of the stress. Guy responds, "No. The boss was a real asshole, I had to work 20-30 hours of overtime every week and I had no say in anything that was happening. I found a new job a couple of weeks ago where I can set my own hours, I'm getting paid double what I got on the old job and the boss is a really great guy." So the doc figures this isn't the reason.
He asks the guy, "How's your home life?" The guy says, more...

The mom calls the husband a "bastard."
Then, the dad calls the wife a "bitch."
Little Billy goes to his mom and says "Mom? what is a bitch and a bastard?"
Mom says "Well, a bitch is a lady and a bastard is a gentlemen."
Later Billy goes outside and hears his neighbors, and hears "Put your penis in my vagina!"
So Billy goes to his mom and says "Mom? What is a penis and vagina?"
His mom says "Well Billy, a penis is a hat and a vagina is a coat."
Later, Billy sees his dad shaving and cuts himself and says "Shit!"
Billy said "Dad, what is shit?"
And then his dad says,"Well billy, Shit is a type of Shaving cream."
Billy goes to see his mom cutting the turkey and his mom cuts her finger and says "Fuck!"
Billy says to his mom, "Mom? what is fuck?"
"Well Billy, fuck is a way of cutting the turkey"
Later the guests more...

A man visits his doctor. "I think I have a problem, doc," said the patient. "One of my testicles has turned blue."
The doctor examined the man briefly and concluded the patient would die if they didn't have his testicle removed.
"Are you crazy?!" exclaimed the patient, "How could I let you do such a thing to me?"
"Do you want to die?", asked the doctor rhetorically, and the patient had to agree to have his testicle removed. But two weeks after the operation, he came back.
"Doc, I don't know how to say this, but the other testicle has turned blue too."
Again, the doctor told him that if he wants to live, his other testicle must be cut off too. And again, the man was very reluctant.
"Hey, do you want to die?", asked the doc, and the patient had to agree to the operation.
But, about two weeks after he is testicleless, he returned to the doctor. "I think something is very wrong with me. more...

The Naughty Night Before ChristmasTwas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat. The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat. The doors were all bolted, the phone off the hook, It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook. Momma in her teddy and I in the nude, Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube. When out on the lawn there arose such a cry, That I lost my boner, and momma went dry. Up to the window I sprang like an elf, Tore back the shade while she played with herself. The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built, Shoved a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt. When what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer. With a fat little driver, half out of the sled, A sock in his ear and a bra on his head. Sure as I'm speaking, he was high as a kite, And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right. Whoa Shithead, whoa Asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz, Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts. Look out more...