Personality Jokes / Recent Jokes

(I have to admit, this is the most accurate one that I've seen so far)

Do not scroll down to see the answers!!!

Adam Sandler's personality test...

You must follow the rules on this one exactly, otherwise it won't work. It's really scary how this works out. NO CHEATING!!!!

First, get a pen (or pencil) and paper.

Second, write the numbers one through six in a column.

Next to number one, write any number...

Next to number two, write the name of anyone to which you are really attracted (excluding spouses and current significant others)...

Next to three, write down the first color you can think of...

Next to number four, write the name of your first pet (when you were a kid, growing up)....

Next to number five write down the name of the first family member that comes to mind...

Next to number six write down the name of the second family member that comes to more...

Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman's personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts. The results: Drink: Beer Personality: Casual, low-maintenance; down to earth. Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool. Drink: Blender Drinks Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying; a pain in the buttocks. Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy. Drink: Mixed Drinks Personality: Older, more refined, high maintenance, has very picky taste; knows exactly what she wants. Your Approach: You won't have to approach her,> if she is interested, she'll send YOU a drink. Drink: Wine - (does not include White Zinfandel, see below) Personality: Conservative and classy; sophisticated yet giggles. Your Approach: Tell her you love to travel and spend quiet evenings with friends. Drink: White Zinfandel Personality: Easy; thinks she is classy and sophisticated, actually has no clue. Your approach: Make more...

Seven bartenders were asked if they could identify personality on what drinks were chosen. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.The results:IF WOMEN DRINK:Drink: Beer. Personality: Casual, low maintenance; down to earth. Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.Drink: Blender drinks with umbrella. Personality: Flaky, annoying, dizzy, and a pain in the ass. Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.Drink: Mixed drinks - no umbrellas Personality: Mature, has picky taste; knows what she wants. Approach: If she wants you, she'll send YOU a drink.Drink: Wine - (bottled not 4 litre cask) Personality: Conservative and classy, sophisticated. Approach: Try and weave Paris and clothing into the conversation.Drink: Bacardi Breezer, Smirnoff ice, Vodka mule, etc Personality: Easy; thinks she is trendy and sophisticated actually has absolutely no clue. Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is...and you're in.Drink: Baileys. Personality: Annoying more...

Before you order a drink in public, you should read this!
Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman's
personality based ON what she drinks. Though interviewed separately,
they concurred on almost all counts. The result:
Drink: Beer
Personality: Causal, low-maintenance; down to earth.
Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.
Drink: Blender Drinks
Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying; a pain in the ass.
Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabana boy.
Drink: Mixed Drinks
Personality: Older, more refined, high maintenance, has very picky
taste; knows EXACTLY what she wants. Your Approach: You won't have to
approach her. If she's interested, she'll send YOU a drink.
Drink: Wine (does not include White Zinfandel)
Personality: Conservative and classy; sophisticated yet giggles. Your
Approach: Tell her you love to travel and spend quiet evenings more...

As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I am in touch with my inner sociopath.
I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.
I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault.
I no longer need to punish, deceive, or compromise myself, unless I want to stay employed.
In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.
Having control over myself is almost as good as having control over others.
My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of self-judgment.
I honor my personality flaws for without them I would have no personality at all.
Joan of Arc heard voices, too.
I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me.
I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper, and complain.
As I learn the innermost secrets of people around me, they reward me in many ways to keep me quiet.
When someone hurts more...

Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman's personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts. The results:
Drink: Beer
Personality: Casual, low-maintenance; down to earth.
Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.
Drink: Blender Drinks
Personality: Flaky, annoying; a pain in the ass.
Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.
Drink: Mixed Drinks
Personality: Older, has picky taste; knows what she wants.
Your Approach: You won't have to approach her. She'll send YOU a drink.
Drink: Wine - (does not include white zinfandel, see below)
Personality: Conservative and classy, sophisticated.
Your Approach: Tell her you wish Reagan had had four more years... Alzheimer's and term limits be damned.
Drink: White Zinfandel
Personality: Easy; thinks she is classy and sophisticated, actually has no clue.
Your more...

Dear Lee,
My Doctor and I went singing Christmas Carols last night... it was SO much fun! He had a brand new song book that we used, with many new versions of old favorites. Some of our other friends came also: Alphonse and his voices Ned, Peter, Daniel, Grimace, June, and Butch/Bitch (hee hee, even his *voices* have voices!); Gringo (you remember Gringo?), but they wouldn't let him out of the jacket; and Nutty Nadine, along with a few others. Everyone was asking for you, wondering when you'd be back... except for Nadine of course - she still says that's YOUR baby!
Here's a little preview for you from Dr. R. Terrycloth's new songbook:
Schizophrenia:
Do You Hear What I Hear?
Multiple Personality:
We Three Kings Disoriented Are
Dementia:
I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas
Narcissistic:
Hark the Herald Angels Sing (About Me)
Mania:
Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and...
or Deck the Halls and Spare No Expenses
Borderline more...