Pickles Jokes / Recent Jokes

Japan launched a satellite to explore the sun.
I'm no astronomer, but it was always my understanding that the sun was kind of hot, which would make it difficult to explore.
(Though Japan is smarter than I am, and of course, I was also mistaken in my understanding that we had nine planets, which I knew because "My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine Pickles," and now I find out she's only serving Dwarf Pickles.)

In any event, this solar mission is apparently necessarily because flares keep disrupting satellites.
So they sent a satellite to check it out.

So maybe there will be TWO big astro-news stories this year:
Pluto no longer a planet!
Sun no longer hot!
Also, this joke no longer funny!
(Yeah, go meta, that will fix it. What is this, meta-meta? No better. Meta-better? Hot. Like the sun used to be. Boom. The sound of our universe collapsing. Or at least the logic of this stream of consciousness. I should have tried a stream more...

Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?A: Because they can't get their head in the jar.

Every pickle you eat brings you nearer to death.
Amazingly, the "thinking man" has failed to grasp the terrifying significance of the term, "in a pickle." Although leading horticulturists have long known that Cucmis sativus possesses an indehiscent pepo, the pickle industry continues to expand.
Pickles are associated with all the major diseases of the body. For example, nearly all sick people have eaten pickles. The effects are obviously cumulative:
99.9% of all people who die from cancer have eaten pickles.
100% of all soldiers have eaten pickles.
96.9 % of all Communist sympathizers have eaten pickles.
99.7% of the people involved in air and auto accidents ate pickles within 6 months preceding the accident.
93.1% of juvenile delinquents came from homes where pickles were served frequently.
Evidence points to the long-term effects of pickle eating: Of all the people born in 1839 who later dined on pickles, there has been a 100% more...

On the first night of Hanukkah my true love gave to me
Lox, bagels and some cream cheese
On the second night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me
2 Kosher pickles and
Lox, bagels and some cream cheese
On the third night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me
3 pounds of corned beef
2 Kosher pickles and
Lox, bagels and some cream cheese
On the fourth night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me
4 potato latkes
3 pounds of corned beef
2 Kosher pickles and
Lox, bagels and some cream cheese
On the fifth night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me
5 bowls of chicken soup
4 potato latkes
3 pounds of corned beef
2 Kosher pickles and
Lox, bagels and some cream cheese
On the sixth night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me
6 pickled herrings
5 bowls of chicken soup
4 potato latkes
3 pounds of corned beef
2 Kosher pickles and
Lox, bagels and some cream cheese
On the more...

Q. Why don't blondes eat pickles?
A. Because they can't get their head in the jar.