Pile Jokes / Recent Jokes

THE ORIGINAL HANDBOOK OF FOOTBALL
Do you remember primary school/junior high/high school? Do you remember talking about 'the bases' with your friends?...
Well forget'em! This is **FOOTBALL**. With the all new standardized guide to Football, you can forget any of the previous complications of having to remember what second base was or any of that shit. And you wonder why there is a strike in Baseball and not Football! Quite simply, Baseball is a boring, confusing, and often an ambiguous game especially when trying to compare it to sexual experiences. Whereas Football was invented for the soul purpose of understanding where you and your friends are at. Basically the game of Football is one big sex metaphor. No one has discovered that yet, but as you will soon see, the complications of modern romance are easily solved here, in The Original Handbook of Football!
Okay now for the yard lines.
your 10 yrd ln... holding hands
" 20 yrd ln... hugging
" 30 yrd more...

Two drunk, Santa and Banta, were walking along a dirt road one day when they came upon a pile of some brown stuff on the ground.
"Is that shit, Banta?" Santa said.
"I don't really know." Responded Banta as he bent over, "it smells like shit."
Santa leaned in and dipped his finger into the mysterious pile. "It feels like shit!"
Banta too dipped his finger into the mysterious pile and without hesitation shoved the finger in his mouth. "Sure tastes like shit, buddy! I think it's definitely shit."
"Hooooeee!" Responded Santa, "Good thing we didn't step in it!"

A kid said "I have a dirty joke; a kid fell in the mud".
Another kid said, "I know a dirty joke; two kids fell into a pile of mud".
Then the other kid said, "Well, I bet I have the dirtest joke of all; 2 pigs fell into a pile of mud and 3 came out!"

The Irish man, the Scottish man and the English man climb up a hill.
At the top of the hill they meet a wizard who says:
"If you slide down this hill and say what ever you want, you get it!"
So the Irish man tries it out and he slides down and shouts:
"Gold!" And he lands in a pile of gold.
Then the Enlgish man tries it out and he slides down and shouts:
"Silver!" And he lands in a pile of silver.
After that the Scottish man tries it out and he slides down and shouts:
"Whee!" And he lands in a puddle of wee.

How To Shower Like a Woman

1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks

2. Walk to bathroom wearing long bathrobe. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror make mental note to do
more sit-ups.

4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, and pumice stone.

5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.

8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

10. Rinse conditioner off hair.
11. Shave armpits and legs

12. Turn off more...