Pile Jokes / Recent Jokes
50 ways to FREAK your roommate
1. Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave
"Slim Jim" wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach everytime your
roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say you know nothing about them.
2. Get some hair. Disperse it around your roommate's head while he/she is asleep. Keep a pair
of scissors by your bed. Snicker at your roommate every morning.
3. Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as you can and
dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying,
"Shouldn't you be going somewhere?"
4. Trash the room when your roommate's not around. Then leave and wait for your roommate
to come back. When he/she does, walk in and act surprised. Say, "Uh-oh, it looks like,
THEY, were here again."
5. Every time you see your more...
Three Scientists were speaking to God. "Hey, God, you're not needed anymore. We can make Man ourselves.
"Oh really," God replied.
"Yes, really," said one of the Scientists. "As a matter of fact, just to prove it, why don't we have a contest to see who can make a man faster, you or us?"
"Ok," answered God, "let's do that."
The Scientist went back to his friends and explained, "We're going to have a contest with God to see who can make a man faster, Him or us."
So, the first Scientist went out and scooped up a large pile of dirt. Just then, a bolt of lightning struck the ground near him, causing him to drop the pile of dirt. Startled, he looked up at God and said, "What?!?"
"Get your own dirt!" God bellowed.
A mailman walked down the street and saw Little Johnny playing in a pile of shit, had it between his fingers and smeared over his body.
The mailman asked him what he was doing and Johnny looked up and said, "Making a Mailman".
This pissed the mailman off, he went up the street and saw a fireman. He told the fireman what the boy was doing and what a smart ass the kid was, the fireman said that he would have a talk with the boy.
The fireman walked up to Little Johnny and asked him what was he doing playing in pile of shit, Johhny looked up and said, "Making a Fireman."
This pissed the fireman off, he left to tell a cop. The cop said that he would have a talk with the boy. The cop asked Little Johnny, "What are you doing, playing with a pile of shit?"
Little Johnny looked up and said nothing.
The cop said, "You told the mailman and the fireman that you were making a fireman and a mailman, why don't you tell me that you are making more...
10 Office Rules:
10. Never walk without a document -- People with documents look like hardworking employees headed to important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're headed for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand look like they're headed for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you really do.
9. Use computers to look busy -- Any time you use a computer, it looks like "work" to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, chat and have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would like to talk about, but they're not bad either. When you get caught by your boss -- and you will get caught -- your best defense is to claim you're teaching yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable more...
There was a three car pile up in Mexico five thousand people died
A high school had a policy that the parents must call the school if a student was to be absent for the day.
Kelly (name changed to protect the guilty), deciding to skip school and go to the mall with her friends waited until her parents had left for work and called the school herself.
This is the actual conversation of the telephone call...
Kelly: "Hi, I`m calling to report that Kelly so-and-so is unable to make it to school today because she is ill.
Secretary at high school: "Oh, I`m sorry to hear that. I`ll note her absence. Who is this calling?"
Kelly: "This is my mother."
Needless to say, she didn`t pull it off!
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a more...