Piss Jokes / Recent Jokes
So this Mexican dude was taking a piss on the side of a buildingand this white dude sees him. After the Mexican is done the whiteguy asks him, "How come you Mexicans don't wash your hands afteryou pee?" And the Mexican guy replies, "Because we Mexicans don't piss inour hands"
1. EXCITABLE TYPE: Pants are twisted, can't find fly, rips pants in anger.
2. SOCIAL TYPE: Joins pals for a piss whether he wants to or not.
3. TIMID TYPE: Cannot piss if anyone is watching, in later.
4. NOISY TYPE: Whistles loudly while pissing, peeps over partition to take a look at other fellows'.
5. INDIFFERENT TYPE: All urinals occupied, pisses in the sink.
6. CLEVER TYPE: Pisses without holding tool in the hand, shows off by adjusting tie.
7. VAIN TYPE: Undoes five buttons to take out his tool when only two would do.
8. INTELLECTUAL TYPE: Opens vest, takes out tie and pisses in his pants.
9. ABSENT MINDED TYPE: Not quite sure what he has been upto lately, makes a furtive examination of his tool while pissing.
10. DISGUSTED TYPE: Stands for a while, farts, tries to piss but fails, farts again and stalks away muttering.
11. SNEAKY TYPE: Drops a silent fart while pissing, sniffs air and looks on the bloke on the left and more...
A guy leaves his place at the bar to go have a piss. He comes back about10 Minutes later, sits down at the bar, muttering & swearing very softly. The barkeep approaches the customer and asks what the problem is." Oh some son-uv-a-bitch snuck up behind me while I was at the urinal andput a gun to my head"." Jesus Christ! What happened?" "He told me to give him a blow job or he'd blow my brains out!""Yeah, then what?" "Well you didn't hear a gun shot, did you?"
A Russian is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a
bottle laying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes
a genie.
The Russian is stunned and the Genie says, "Hello Master, I
will grant you one wish, anything that you want."
The Russian begins thinking, "Well I really like drinking
vodka." Finally the Russian says, "I wish to drink vodka
whenever I want, so make me piss vodka."
The Genie grants him his wish. When the Russian gets home
he gets a glass out of the cupboard and pisses into it. He
looks at the glass and it's clear. Looks like vodka. Then he
smells the liquid. Smells like vodka. So he takes a test and
it is the best vodka
that he has ever tasted.
The Russian yells to his wife, "Natasha, Natasha, come
quickly."
She comes running down the hall and the Russian takes
another glass out of the cupboard and more...
*** COPIED FROM A NEWSGROUP POSTING ***
(the male author was responding to a woman who accidentally walked into the men's restroom):
Please don't feel bad. It wasn't you entering the men's washroom that caused that guy to pee on the guy next to him. Hell, we do that all the time. It's rare for us guys to ever hit what were aiming for. Sometimes I go into the washroom, start to pee, and then just start spinning around; just so I'll make sure I hit something.
You see, something you ladies should understand by now is that men's penises have a mind of their own. A guy can go into a bathroom stall because all the urinals are being used, take perfect aim at the toilet, and his penis will still manage to piss all over the roll of toilet paper, down his left pant leg, and onto his shoe. I'm telling 'ya those little buggers can't be trusted.
After being married 28 years my wife has me trained. I'm no longer allowed to pee like a man - standing up. I am required to sit down more...
This guy goes up to the bartender and says to him,"I bet you 20 bucks I can piss in that cup behind you and not spill a drop", the bartender chuckles and says "you're on" so the guy stands up on the bar and pisses all over the bar, the bartender, everywhere but the cup and the bartender smiles and says "you owe me 20 bucks" the guy gives him the money then the bartender looks at him and says "so why did you think you could do it"? the guy leans over the bar and says "you see the table of 5 guys over there? I bet them each 20 bucks that I could piss all over you and your bar and you would smile about it".
*** COPIED FROM A NEWSGROUP POSTING ***(the male author was responding to a woman who accidentally walked into the men's restroom):Please don't feel bad. It wasn't you entering the men's washroom that caused that guy to pee on the guy next to him. Hell, we do that all the time. It's rare for us guys to ever hit what were aiming for. Sometimes I go into the washroom, start to pee, and then just start spinning around; just so I'll make sure I hit something.You see, something you ladies should understand by now is that men's penises have a mind of their own. A guy can go into a bathroom stall because all the urinals are being used, take perfect aim at the toilet, and his penis will still manage to piss all over the roll of toilet paper, down his left pant leg, and onto his shoe. I'm telling 'ya those little buggers can't be trusted.After being married 28 years my wife has me trained. I'm no longer allowed to pee like a man - standing up. I am required to sit down and pee. She has more...