Piss Jokes / Recent Jokes
A woman goes into a bar real depressed and uses her last 10 dollars to buy a drink. All of a sudden she gets an idea that she knows will solve her problems. She takes her change and goes to the man at the end of the bar and says, " Mister, I'm broke and my landlord said if I dont give him the rent money first thing in the morning, I'm out of a place to live. I'll bet you my last five dollars that i can come up with a rhyme that you can't come up with a reply to." The man wanting to help her says ok go ahead. So she tells him, "six times six is thirty-six and three is thirty-nine. I can tell the length of yours but you can't tell the depth of mine." The man scratches his head and says, "your right, I can't top that." and he pays her the five dollars. Then she goes to the next man and the next until she has beat every man in the bar. So she goes to the next bar and starts betting 100 at a time. She does this at every bar on the block until she has 3, 000 more...
How do you piss your girlfriend of when your having sex? Call her up
A guy walks into a bar.He bets the bartender $150 that he could toss a half-dollar coin into a shot glass all the way on the other side of ther bar.The bartender takes the bet.
The guy tosses the coin and he misses.So he pays the bartender $150.
The same guy comes back the next day and he said to the bartender that that half-dollar coin was to big to fit in the shot glass.So the bartender said try it with a quarter.The bet is on $150 if he can toss the quater in the shott glass all the way on the other side of the room.He tosses the coin and he misses.So he pays the bartender.
So he starts to drink and drink and drink till he is WASTED! So he bets the bartender $300 double or nothing that he could PISS in the shot glass across the room.So he wipps out his penis and just starts pissing everywhere on the walls on the floor and even on the bartender.
So the bartender is on the ground laughing his nutts off and he says to the guy you are the biggest fool I have ever more...
A drunk stumbles out of a bar and he needs to piss, so he makes his way into the cemetery behind the tavern. He walks right to the edge of a freshly dug grave, loses his balance, and falls in. There’s a puddle of water in the hole, and he spends the rest of the night yelling, “Help me, I’m cold! Someone help me, I’m cold! ” At closing time, another drunk walks behind the bar to piss, and hears the noise. He gets to the open grave, looks down and says, “Of course you’re cold, you son-of-a-bitch. You kicked all the dirt off yourself. ”
Dad decided it was time to help Joey learn to piss into the toilet instead of his little potty. He called Joey in and told him to stand by the john and watch as he demonstrated. "It's easier to remember if you do it by the numbers," Dad explained as he pulled his wanker out. "One: Pull the skin back like this," Dad explained and pulled his sking back showing Joey his red rosebud head. "Two: Piss into the toilet," Dad explained and let loose a hot stream of yellow piss. "Three: Shake it off," Dad explained and gave his wanker a couple of shakes. "Four: Pull the skin forward and you're through," Dad said as he pulled the skin over his smaller head. "Now, Joey, I'm going to step outside and you see what you remember," Dad said as he closed the door behind himself. Joey thought about it a minute and said: "One - four - one - four - one - four - one - four - - - - -
Why did god make piss yellow and semen white?
- So [ethnics] could tell if they were coming or going.
A guy is in the pub toilet having a piss when the door to the bathroom opens. In walks a very large, very muscular guy. This guy proceeds to pull down his pants, revealing a very large penis.
To the man's amazement, the muscular guy growls and slams his penis into the sink attached to the wall. It shatters, spraying pieces and water everywhere. Next, the muscular man growls louder, and slams his penis into one of the stalls, making the entire thing collapse. Then he slams his penis into the wall of the room, knocking a very large hole into it.
The muscular man approaches the scared guy having a piss.
"Hey, mate, do you see this very large, very strong cock?" he asks.
"Yes," replies the guy taking a leak.
"Do you know what I am going to do with this very large, very strong cock?" the muscular man asks.
"No, I'm afraid I don't," says the first man.
"I'm going to shove it up your arse!" exclaims the muscular more...