Plan Jokes / Recent Jokes

Pedal-powered dialysis machines. Use of antibiotics deemed an "unauthorized experimental procedure" Head-wound victim in the waiting room is on the last chapter of "War and Peace" You ask for Viagra. You get a popsicle stick and duct tape. Annual breast exam conducted at Hooters. Exam room has a tip jar. You swear you saw salad tongs and a crab fork on the instrument tray just before the anesthesia kicked in. "Will you be paying in eggs or pelts?" Tight budget prevents acquisition of separate rectal thermometers. "Take two leeches and call me in the morning" The company logo features a hand squeezing a bleeding turnip. Tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicle. Covered postnatal care consists of leaving your baby on Mia Farrow's doorstep. Radiation treatment for cancer patients requires them to walk around with a postcard from Chernobyl in their pocket. "Pre-natal vitamin" prescription is a box of Tic-Tacs. Chief Surgeon graduated more...

Larry King supports Barack Obama's health care plan because he'll be able to keep his own personal mortician.

A wife suspected that her husband was having an affair with the maid. She thought of a plan to take him by surprise. One Friday she told the maid to take the day off and that night she went into the maid's room, switched off all the lights and, in pitch darkness, slipped into the bed. Sure enough at midnight, there were footsteps and a figure opened the door and slipped into the maid's bed beside her. After a few passionate kisses, the wife suddenly switched on the lights and asked, "Surprised?" "I sure am, ma'am!" stammered the chauffeur.

A brunette and a blonde decided they were going to pull of a bank heist. They quickly devised a plan and put that plan into action.
The brunette drove up to the front of the bank they were going to rob. Turning to the blonde, she asked, "Now, are you sure you remember the plan?" Sighing, the blonde replied, "Duh! Of course I remember!" They went over the plan one more time, then the blonde got out of the car to do her part.
Before she had a chance to shut the car door, the brunette yelled out to her, "Remember, be sure to be in and out in no more than five minutes!"
The blonde then entered the bank and the brunette remained in the car and waited... and waited... and waited.
Finally, the blonde came bursting out of the bank's doors, the alarm blaring loud enough to wake up the dead. Behind her she was lugging the bank safe by a rope that was tied around it. A security guard came running out of the bank, pants down around his ankles, more...

The Clinton Health Plan has the:

1. Simplicity of the IRS.

2. Results of rent control.

3. Efficiency of the Post Office.

4. The fringe benefits of higher taxes

5. Management success of national debt.

6. Bureaucracy of the Dept. of Agriculture.

7. Dependency of a weather forecaster.

First Lady Michelle Obama recently unveiled her anti-obesity plan. President Obama is already heeding her plan by sticking only to Republican lite.

A jobless man applied for the position of "office boy" at Some Company.
The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a test.
"You are employed."
He said." Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start."
The man replied "But I don't have a computer, neither an email."
I'm sorry", said the HR manager, "If you don't have an email, that means you do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job."
The man left with no hope at all. He didn't know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10Kg tomato crate.
He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the Operation three times, and returned home with $60.
The man realized that he can survive by this Way, and started to go more...