Plastic Jokes / Recent Jokes

The woman inthe bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, "hey, you dont need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery."
The lady asks, "How do I do it without surgery."
"Just rub toilet paper between them"
Startled the lady asks, "How does that make them bigger?"
"I dont know but it worked for your ass"!

Taken again from MATT GROENING'S "BIG BOOK OF HELL"... (have fun BKP :)
FLIGHT DELAYED? HOURS TO KILL? WHY NOT
SPEND A PORTION OF YOUR LIFE AT... ''
'
A K K BBBB A RRRR JJJJJ EEEE FFFF FFFF ' SSSS
A A K K B B A A R R J E F F S
AAAAA KKK BBBB AAAAA RRRR AND J EEEE FFFF FFFF SSSS
A A K K B B A A R R J J E F F S
A A K K BBBB A A R R JJJ EEEE F F SSSS
A I RRRR PPPP OOO RRRR TTTTT
A A I R R P P O O R R T
AAAAA I RRRR PPPP O O RRRR T
A A I R R P O O R R T
A A I R R P OOO R R T
SSSS N N A CCCC K K BBBB A RRRR
S NN N A A C K K B B A A R R
SSSS N N N AAAAA C KKK BBBB AAAAA RRRR
S N NN A A C K K B B A A R R
SSSS N N A A CCCC K K BBBB A A R R
"WHERE THE ELITE MEET TO EAT REHEATED MEATY TREATS"
FEATURING:
* Heavily breaded seafood sticks made with yummy Crabuluxe
* Eggy scramblers with chunk-style
baco-nibblets and hidden yolk packets
* Grandma Akbar's more...

This cazy guy walks into an insane asylum wearing nothing but plastic wrap as shorts.
The doctor walks in and tells him - "I can clearly see your nuts!"

Taken again from MATT GROENING'S "BIG BOOK OF HELL"... (have fun BKP :)
FLIGHT DELAYED? HOURS TO KILL? WHY NOT
SPEND A PORTION OF YOUR LIFE AT... ''
'
A K K BBBB A RRRR JJJJJ EEEE FFFF FFFF ' SSSS
A A K K B B A A R R J E F F S
AAAAA KKK BBBB AAAAA RRRR AND J EEEE FFFF FFFF SSSS
A A K K B B A A R R J J E F F S
A A K K BBBB A A R R JJJ EEEE F F SSSS
A I RRRR PPPP OOO RRRR TTTTT
A A I R R P P O O R R T
AAAAA I RRRR PPPP O O RRRR T
A A I R R P O O R R T
A A I R R P OOO R R T
SSSS N N A CCCC K K BBBB A RRRR
S NN N A A C K K B B A A R R
SSSS N N N AAAAA C KKK BBBB AAAAA RRRR
S N NN A A C K K B B A A R R
SSSS N N A A CCCC K K BBBB A A R R
"WHERE THE ELITE MEET TO EAT REHEATED MEATY TREATS"
FEATURING:
* Heavily breaded seafood sticks made with yummy Crabuluxe
* Eggy scramblers with chunk-style
baco-nibblets and hidden yolk packets
* Grandma Akbar's old-fashioned more...

This cazy guy walks into an insane asylum wearing nothing but plastic wrap as shorts.The doctor walks in and tells him - "I can clearly see your nuts!"

This list of chalkboard assignments may be used for your dog when he does not behave well. The below variations and choices will help you pick an assignment. A. Fill in the blanks
1. [xxx] is not food.
Spiders; bandaids; ivy and airplane plants; Xmas ornaments; the carved jack-o-lantern; plants from the aquarium; cat litter box contents; laundry detergent boxes (esp. not when full!); toothpaste (tube and all); remote controls; linoleum; eyeglasses; books; stockings; the tar shingles on my house; chicken wire; bizarre plants; disposable razors; rocks; Lego; dirty Kleenex; the baby's used diaper; Christmas stockings; soda pop cans; fiberglass insulation stuffed up the chimney; the underwear in the clothes hamper; Mommy's hair accessories; Mommy's catnip teabags; unopened honey packets; staples; Christmas stockings; credit cards, CDs, and other thin plastic things.
2. I will not lift my leg to the [xxx].
Anything growing in the vegetable garden; house corner; new more...

This list of chalkboard assignments may be used for your dog when he does not behave well. The below variations and choices will help you pick an assignment. A. Fill in the blanks1. [xxx] is not food.Spiders; bandaids; ivy and airplane plants; Xmas ornaments; the carved jack-o-lantern; plants from the aquarium; cat litter box contents; laundry detergent boxes (esp. not when full!); toothpaste (tube and all); remote controls; linoleum; eyeglasses; books; stockings; the tar shingles on my house; chicken wire; bizarre plants; disposable razors; rocks; Lego; dirty Kleenex; the baby's used diaper; Christmas stockings; soda pop cans; fiberglass insulation stuffed up the chimney; the underwear in the clothes hamper; Mommy's hair accessories; Mommy's catnip teabags; unopened honey packets; staples; Christmas stockings; credit cards, CDs, and other thin plastic things.2. I will not lift my leg to the [xxx].Anything growing in the vegetable garden; house corner; new boyfriend; mailman; more...