Plastic Jokes / Recent Jokes

This list of chalkboard assignments may be used for your dog when he does not behave well. The below variations and choices will help you pick an assignment. A. Fill in the blanks
1. [xxx] is not food.
Spiders; bandaids; ivy and airplane plants; Xmas ornaments; the carvedjack-o-lantern; plants from the aquarium; cat litter box contents; laundrydetergent boxes (esp. not when full!); toothpaste (tube and all); remotecontrols; linoleum; eyeglasses; books; stockings; the tar shingles on myhouse; chicken wire; bizarre plants; disposable razors; rocks; Lego; dirtyKleenex; the baby's used diaper; Christmas stockings; soda pop cans; fiberglass insulation stuffed up the chimney; the underwear in the clotheshamper; Mommy's hair accessories; Mommy's catnip teabags; unopened honeypackets; staples; Christmas stockings; credit cards, CDs, andother thin plastic things.
2. I will not lift my leg to the [xxx].
Anything growing in the vegetable garden; house corner; new boyfriend; more...

This list of chalkboard assignments may be used for your dog when he does not behave well. The below variations and choices will help you pick an assignment. A. Fill in the blanks
1. [xxx] is not food.
Spiders; bandaids; ivy and airplane plants; Xmas ornaments; the carved jack-o-lantern; plants from the aquarium; cat litter box contents; laundry detergent boxes (esp. not when full!); toothpaste (tube and all); remote controls; linoleum; eyeglasses; books; stockings; the tar shingles on my house; chicken wire; bizarre plants; disposable razors; rocks; Lego; dirty Kleenex; the baby`s used diaper; Christmas stockings; soda pop cans; fiberglass insulation stuffed up the chimney; the underwear in the clothes hamper; Mommy`s hair accessories; Mommy`s catnip teabags; unopened honey packets; staples; Christmas stockings; credit cards, CDs, and other thin plastic things.
2. I will not lift my leg to the [xxx].
Anything growing in the vegetable garden; house corner; new more...

This list of chalkboard assignments may be used for your dog when he does not behave well. The below variations and choices will help you pick an assignment. A. Fill in the blanks1. [xxx] is not food. Spiders; bandaids; ivy and airplane plants; Xmas ornaments; the carved jack-o-lantern; plants from the aquarium; cat litter box contents; laundry detergent boxes (esp. not when full!); toothpaste (tube and all); remote controls; linoleum; eyeglasses; books; stockings; the tar shingles on my house; chicken wire; bizarre plants; disposable razors; rocks; Lego; dirty Kleenex; the baby's used diaper; Christmas stockings; soda pop cans; fiberglass insulation stuffed up the chimney; the underwear in the clothes hamper; Mommy's hair accessories; Mommy's catnip teabags; unopened honey packets; staples; Christmas stockings; credit cards, CDs, and other thin plastic things. 2. I will not lift my leg to the [xxx]. Anything growing in the vegetable garden; house corner; new boyfriend; mailman; more...

On the first day of Christmas,
My good friend sent to me,
A gecko in a flame tree.

On the second day of Christmas,
My true friend gave to me,
Two tape recorders.
And a gecko in a flame tree.
On the third day of Christmas,
My true friend gave to me,
Three air conditioners.
Two tape recorders.
And a gecko in a flame tree.

On the forth day of Christmas
My true friend gave to me,
Four rolls of plastic.
Three air conditioners.
Two tape recorders.
And a gecko in a flame tree.

On the fifth day of Christmas.
My true friend gave to me,
Five princess rings.
Four rolls of plastic.
Three air conditioners.
Two tape recorders.
And a gecko in a flame tree.

On the sixth day of Christmas
My true friend gave to me,
Six days in Hong Kong.
Five princess rings.
Four rolls of plastic.
Three air conditioners.
Two tape more...

AIRPLANE: What Mom impersonates to get a 1-yr. - old to eat strained beets. ALIEN: What Mom would suspect had invaded her house if she spotted a child-sized creature cleaning up after itself. APPLE: Nutritious lunchtime dessert which children will trade for cupcakes. BABY: 1. Dad, when he gets a cold. 2. Mom's youngest child, even if he's 42. BATHROOM: A room used by the entire family, believed by all except Mom to be self-cleaning. BECAUSE: Mom's reason for having kids do things which can't be explained logically. BED & BREAKFAST: Two things the kids will never make for themselves. CARPET: Expensive floor covering used to catch spills and clean mud off shoes. CARPOOL: Complicated system of transportation where Mom always winds up going the furthest with the biggest bunch of kids who have had the most sugar. COOK: 1. Act of preparing food for consumption. 2. Mom's other name. COUCH POTATO: What Mom finds on the sofa during Dallas Cowboy games. DATE: Infrequent outings with Dad where more...

I wish I knew who came up with this one! I skewers elements of the famous "San Francisco" culture... Zelda and Jane were given a rottweiler at their commitment ceremony. If their dog needs to be walked two miles a day and they walk at a rate of 3/4 mile per hour, how much time will they spend discussing their relationship in public?
Michael has two abusive stepfathers and an alcoholic mother. If his self-esteem is reduced by 20% per dysfunctional parent, but Michael feels 3% better for every person he denigrates, how long will it take before he's ready to go home if 1 person walks by the cafe every 2 minutes?
Sanjeev has 7 piercings. If the likelihood of getting cellulitis on any given day is 10% per piercing, what is the likelihood Sanjeev will need to renew his erythromycin prescription during the next week?
Chad wants to take half a pound of pot to Orinda and sell it at a 20% profit. If it originally cost him $1, 500 in food stamps, how much should Nicole more...

For too long, we ladies have been made to put up with second rate traetment from you guys!!! NO MORE!!! The ladies time for comeback darlings and show you guys what we women are made of!
So listen up you guys, this is how it is.....
*You guys don't always have to hold on to your mother's sari and cry for her on the slighest diffculties you have- why marry if you still need to hold your mother's hand?
*We should be able to ogle other men... if we don't look @ other men, how are we meant to rate how handsome you are?
*When our favorite programme is on.. wait for the commericals, if you need something!
*Girls are allow to change their minds, you know!
*A beer-belly is definely a turn-off..... so smokers and beer loots.... need not bother marrying -because we girls are fed up of putting up with it!
*Guy! you have hands & feet haven't you.... So use them to get your own things; Making a meal/tea; and washing your plates etc after yourself you more...