Plumber Jokes / Recent Jokes
A young Jewish couple had only recently set up housekeeping when anunfortunate incident occurred.Early one morning, the wife, drowsy from bed, went to the toiletfor the morning's relief, and neglected to notice that the seat was up.When she sat, she kept going! She was just the right size and shape so that she became jammedinto the toilet past her waist with her legs sticking straight up infront of her.She cried for her husband, who rushed in, and for the next hour trieddesperately to extricate her.In this process they removed her sleeping gown, but this only left hernaked and still stuck, with a particular part of her anatomy prominentlyvisible between her splayed legs.Finally, the couple resolved to call a plumber, despite the embarrassing nature of their problem.When the plumber arrived, the young man let him in, but as they werewalking to the bathroom, the young man realized that his wife wasexposed in a very compromising and humiliating way.Thinking fast, he ran ahead of the more...
A pipe burst in a doctor's house. He called a plumber. The plumber
arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a
while, and handed the doctor a bill for $600.
The doctor exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I don't even make that much as
a doctor!" The plumber waited for him to finish and quietly said,
"Neither did I when I was a doctor."
A woman called a union plumber to her Manhattan apartment to fix a leaking pipe. The plumber was pleased to discover that the woman was quite a luscious well-stacked babe. During the course of his visit they became quite "friendly."
Late in the afternoon the phone rang, disturbing their bedroom shenanigans. Putting down the phone, she said, "My husband is on his way home, but he has to go back to the office around eight. If you come back then we can take up where we left off."
The plumber looked at her in disbelief. "What? On my own time?!"
Some claim that heaven is not biased. This story comes, then, as counter-point to that notion.
An airplane from a Global Airlines crashed. There were no survivors. The souls of the departed lined up at the gates of heaven, as they sat from the back of the plane to the front. Each had to correctly answer one question to be admitted.
Early in the line came an elementary school teacher. "What airline where you flying?" "Global," she replied, and went in.
Later, an unemployed hipster approached. "What was the flight number?" "117?" he stated tentatively. "Correct," came the response, and he was admitted.
As the line approached the end, two passengers came up one after another, the owner of a plumbing business and a lawyer. The entire time the line proceeded, the plumber had been extremely obnoxious with the other passengers, making rude guestures, telling sexist and racist jokes, and generally more...
The plumber presented his customer, a lawyer, with a bill charging rates of $500 an hour. The lawyer was outraged, saying "I don't even make that kind of money - doesn't that seem a bit steep?" The plumber replied, "That's what I thought, when I was a lawyer."
Twas the week before Christmas,
I was feeding a mouse,
fattening it up,
for our cats in the house.
The wife's stockings hung
on the shower with care,
The drain is clogged.
Probably big globs of hair.
The children were playing,
jumping on beds.
Bits of chewing gum
stuck on their heads.
Wife sneez'n in a kerchief;
me, I'm ready for a nap,
Her nerves quite unsettled,
we need a nightcap!
When out of the bathroom
there arose such a clatter!
The toilet a shaking!
Don't know what's the matter!
Away to the bathroom
I flew like a flash,
Tore open the closet,
then fell with a CRASH!
I'd slipped on a toy...
I do think... I don't know.
They were scattered about,
above and below.
Then the wife yelled,
"Are you Okay? Oooh, Dear?!"
"I was going to tell you,
your tools more...
It was Sunday, when the brain surgeon discovered a huge leak in his basement pipe. He rushed upstairs and called the plumber.
"Triple-A Plumbing? This is an emergency! Get over here quick!"
"Okay, but I charge extra for Sunday emergency service," replied the plumber.
"Anything! Just stop this leak!"
The plumber arrived, took out a tiny wrench from his bag, and lightly tapped the pipe. The leak stopped. The plumber handed the relieved homeowner a bill for $500.00.
"What?" screamed the surgeon. "That's unbelievable! Why, I'm a brain surgeon and I don't make $500 for 5 minutes' work!"
"I know," agreed the plumber. "Neither did I when I was a brain surgeon!"