Policemen Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man was recently flying to New York. He decided to strike up a conversation with his seat mate. "I've got a great policeman joke. Would you like to hear it?"

"I should let you know first that I am a policeman."

"That's OK. I'll tell it really slow!"

A man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, "Can I park here?"
"No," says the cop.
"What about all these other cars?"
"They didn't ask!"


Policeman short joke 4^
A policeman is on scene at a terrible accident - body parts everywhere. He is making his notes of where the pieces are and comes across a head. He writes in his notebook: "Head on bullevard" and scratchs out his spelling error. "Head on bouelevard" Nope, doesn't look right - scratch scratch. "Head on boolevard..." dang it! Scratch scratch. He looks around and sees that no one is looking at him as he kicks the head. "Head on curb."

How many cops does it take to throw a man down the stairs?
None. He fell.

I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum.
Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job.
Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
What do you mean have I been drinking? You are the trained specialist.
Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriends night stand.
I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.
I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes I know there is no other car around, that's how far they are ahead of me.
Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?
Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

people shout, "I didn't do it!" when you walk into a room.
your idea of a good time is an armed robbery at shift change.
you disbelieve 90% of what you hear and 75% of what you see.
you believe the government should require a permit to reproduce.
you believe prozac should be added regularly to the water system.
when you mention vegetables, you're not referring to the food group.
you want to hold a seminar entitled "Suicide - getting it right the first time."
you call for a criminal record check on anyone who seems friendly toward you.
you believe anyone who says, "I only had two beers" is going to blow over 150.
you walk into places and people think it's high comedy to seize a co-worker and shout, "They've come to get you...".

How many cops does it take to change light bulb?

Just one, but he is never around when you need him.

Only one, but he has to see an officer do it first.

Three, one to do it, one to direct traffic and one to say "Show's over, nothing left to see here, folks, move along."

How many LA cops does it take to change light bulb?

Six. One to do it and five to smash the old bulb to splinters.