Poop Jokes / Recent Jokes

Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure.
ESCAPEE: A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic/embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car & speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter at the urinal, pretend that you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with escapee): When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun's pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen do not panic, remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
COURTESY FLUSH: The act of flushing the toilet more...

One day a couple of kids named "Poop", "Shut-Up", and "Manners" were on a bus. All of a sudden Poop falls out of the window! Manners jumps out of the bus to save him.
So, Shut-Up runs to the bus driver to get some help. The bus driver asks him,
"What's your name?!"
"Shut-Up."
At this point the bus driver is mad. He asks, "Where are your manners?!"
Shut-Up replies,
"Outside picking up Poop."

Once, there were three young men named Poop, Manners and Shutup, and one day they were riding their bikes when Poop fell off his bike, so Manners went to help Poop, while Shutup went to the police.
When Shutup arrived at the police station, he said, "Quick! My friend fell off his bike!"
So the police said, "Let's start at the beginning. What's your name?" then Shutup said, "Shutup" (because that was his name.)
But the police didn't understand, so he said, "Where's your manners?" Shutup said "Picking up Poop!"

W H I T M A N, Mass.? Be careful what you do with your radioactive cat poop.

William Jenness agreed to pay a $3, 856. 47 fee for mishandling his cat Mitzi's litter box.

Jenness took Mitzi, 11, to a local clinic to treat her hyperthyroidism. The treatment involved giving the feline an injection of radioactive iodine, and Jenness was given strict instructions to flush his pet's waste down the toilet, rather than throw it out.

Cats who undergo the procedure are themselves radioactive for several days, as is their waste product. After a few days, radiation levels return to normal.

Jenness didn't follow the instructions.

"I was afraid of my septic system being clogged," he told The Patriot Ledger. "When it hardened it came into fairly big lumps. I probably should've put more effort into breaking it up."

When Jenness' garbage made it's way to the SEMASS waste incinerator in Rochester, it set off an alarm more...

A lawyer finds himself in the city park. It is a beautiful summer day so he decides to take his shoes and socks off. He no sooner does this than he steps into a huge pile of fresh dog poop.
Looking down at his bare feet covered in dog poop he screams....Some one help me...I'm melting....I'm melting.
I cannot claim authorship and I must confess I have two lawyers in my immediate family.