Popular Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man boards an airplane and takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realizes that she is headed straight toward his seat. A wave of nervous anticipation washes over him.
Lo and behold, she takes the seat right beside his. Anxious to strike up a conversation, he blurts out, "So where are you flying to today?" She turns and smiles and says, "To the annual Nymphomaniac Convention in Chicago."
Whoa! He swallows hard and is instantly CRAZED with excitement. Here's the most gorgeous woman he's ever seen, sitting right next to him, and she's going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs!
Struggling to maintain his outward cool, he calmly asks, "And what's your role at this convention?" She flips her long hair back, turns to him, looks into his eyes, and says, "Well, I try to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."
"Really," he says, swallowing hard, again. more...
"Least Popular Christmas Carols" (as sung by the Late Show Carolers)
As presented on the 12/03/96 broadcast of LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN "I Saw Mommy Marry Larry King" "Boris the Red-Nosed Yeltsin Had an 86-Proof Nose" "Im Searching For the Real Killers With Every Round of Golf I Play" "Oh, Hillary, Oh, Hillary, You're Going to Jail for One-to-Three" "Influenza, Influenza, Influenza, Influenza" "O Little Network CBS How Still We See Thee Lie" "Frosty the Crackhead Had a Crack Pipe Full of Crack" "I Have an Irregular Heartbeat Pa-Rum-Pum-Pum-Pum" "O. J. Is Free Although He's Prob'ly Guilty" "Good King Clinton Dropped His Pants in a Cheap Hotel Room"
The Ten Commandments
1. Thou shall not squeeze too hard on the opposite sexes genetalia
2. Thou shall not ask for a kiss, just give one or take one
3. Thou shall kiss at every given opportunity
4. If thou kissed someone, and was slapped, thou shalt not kiss her again.
5. Thou shall never bite when in the act of french kissing
6. Thou shall not pay for sexual intercourse
7. Thou shall not date members of state or Musicians
8. Thou shall not have sexual intercourse in public convieniences.
9. thou should never turn down free sexual intercourse
10. Procreate at will
Religions of the world
Taoism: Shit happens
Confucianism: Confucius say, shit happens
Hinduism: This shit has happened before
Buddhism: Shit happens, yet shit does not happen
Islam: Shit happens, is Allah wills
Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to me?
Protestantism: Let shit happen to other people
Catholicism: If shit more...
Weird Business NewsJIM BARLOW - Houston Chronicle (c) - Writes:
Really, no foolin', this stuff is weird.
Since this is April Fools' Day, what better time for yet another installment of Weird Business News?
Yep, time for another look at the sometimes wacky world of commerce. ABC Namebank, a New York City firm that helps businesses come up with suitably salable company names, took a look at popular nomenclature for firms on the World Wide Web.
The No. 1 Internet company name included the word "web." There were 8, 783 names such as Webtron, USWeb and Webtech. Next came "link" - 7, 901 examples such as Linknet and Worldlink.
Other popular key naming words include: first, 5, 384; net, 4, 426; data, 3, 335; view, 2, 815 and media, 1, 254.
So obviously my new Internet business will be named Firstview Datalink Mediaweb.
Our Worst Food Idea Award goes to Einstein Brothers Bagels, which for St. Patrick's Day sold green bagels at its 225 more...
1. Depression is merely anger without enthuiasm
2. Eagles may soar, but weasles don't get sucked into jet engines
3. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol
4. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
5. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane
6. Everyone has a photographic memory. However, some do not have film.
7. So do you think you know it all. What is the speed of the dark?
8. Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet
soup.
9. I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
10. Why does Sea World have a seafood resturant. I am halfway through my
Fishburger and I realize I could be eating a slow learner!!!
11. Many people quit looking for a job when they find work.
12. Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines
13. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the
cheese.
I always more...
Little Herbie was instructed by his mother to avoid any of the popular synonyms for urination and to substitute the verb "whisper."
That night, the boy approached his father, who had not yet been apprised of the new code. "Daddy," he said, "I want to whisper."
"All right, son/' answered his father, "do it in my ear."
Q: What's so good about an Ethiopian blowjob?
A: You know she'll swallow.
Q: Why don't they teach driver's education and sex education on the same day in Iraq?
A: They don't want to wear out the camel.
Q: What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.
Q: What do you get if you cross a Hell's Angel with a Jehovah's Witness?
A: Some one who knocks on your door on a Sunday morning and tells YOU to fuck off!
Q: Do you know why women fake orgasm?
A: Because men fake foreplay.
Q: What's the difference between getting a divorce and getting circumcised?
A: When you get a divorce, you get rid of the whole prick!
Q: A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of?
A: Dating children.
Q: What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golfball?
A: A guy will actually search for a golfball.
Q: Why does a bride smile when she walks up the more...