Population Jokes / Recent Jokes
Smarties
Crispy Crunch & Coffee Crisp
The size of our footballs fields and one less down.
Baseball is Canadian
Lacrosse is Canadian
Hockey is Canadian
Basketball is Canadian
Apple pie is Canadian
Mr. Dress-up vs. Mr. Rogers
Tim Horton's vs. Dunkin' Donuts
In the war of 1812, which was started by Americans, Canadians pushed the Americans WAY back... past the White House. Then we burned it... and most of Washington. All of this was done under the command of William Lyon McKenzie who was insane and hammered all the time. We got bored because they ran away, so we came home and partied... go figure!
Canada has the largest French population that never surrendered to Germany.
We have the largest English population that never ever surrendered or withdrew during any war to anyone, anywhere.
Our civil war was only a bar fight that lasted a little over an hour.
The only person who was arrested in our civil war was an American mercenary, who more...
This was first written for the population of bobcats being crowded by the suburban expansion in the Orange County area of California. Since then it has been endorsed by the coyote population, and populations of other natural predators being pushed out of their natural habitats.
You move your homes into my abode
You bulldoze a canyon for a toll road
You have an airport for supersonic jets
So, I'll come down and eat your pets.
Author unknown; printed in the Orange Section of the L.A. Times, Sunday, June 29, 1997.
Over half the world's population die.... At no specific time.
Original: Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer...
Translation: Rudolph was a four-hooved ungulate,
Original: Had a very shiny nose...
Translation: Who, incidentally, possessed a nasal appendage of a maroon lustre.
Original: And if you ever saw him...
Translation: Consequently, if circumstances were to present themselves that he ever came into your view,
Original: You would even say it glows...
Translation: You would most undoubtedly remark at to its illuminary qualities.
Original: All of the other reindeer...
Translation: The multitude of other members of the population in his ecological community,
Original: Used to laugh and call him names...
Translation: Had previously teased, chuckled boisterously, and dubbed him unspeakable pseudonyms - the objective of which was to lower his self-esteem and make him miserable.
Original: They never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games...
Translation: They also excluded him from participation in more...
New Official Politically Correct Terms for the 90's
OLD
NEW
conservative-reactionary
the establishment-white power elite
hearing person-temporarily aurally abled
sighted person-temporarily visually abled
blind-visually challenged
mute-vocally challenged
deaf-aurally challenged
dead-metabolically different
alive-temporarily metabolically abled
ugly-aesthetically challenged
fat-gravitationally challenged
heavy-set-people of mass
rude-politically correct
psychopath-socially misaligned
crooked-ethically challenged
klutzy-kinesthetically challenged
bald-follicularly challenged
short-differently statured
non-white, non-male oppressed-white melanin impoverished / genetically oppressive
white male-oppressor
black-african-american
asian-asian-american
afro-american-african-american
minority group-numerically challenged group; under-represented population
black-person of more...
Q: Why should we feel bad for the gay homeless population? A: None of them have closets to come out of.
These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and obviously the answers came from a fellow Aussie....
1. Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow?(UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
2. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street?(USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
3. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney- can Ifollow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.. .
4. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So its true what they say about Swedes.
5. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise.(Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.
6. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in more...