Porch Jokes / Recent Jokes

Cinderella was now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead Prince, she happily sat upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat called Alan for companionship.

One sunny afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared the Fairy Godmother.

Cinderella said "Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?"

The Fairy Godmother replied "Well Cinderella, since you have lived a good, wholesome life since we last met, I have decided to grant you 3 wishes. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?"

Cinderella is taken aback, overjoyed and after some thoughtful consideration and almost under her breath she uttered her first wish "I wish I was wealthy beyond comprehension." Instantly, her rocking chair was turned into solid gold. Cinderella was stunned.

Alan, her old faithful cat, jumped off her lap and scampered to the edge of the porch, more...

This little old lady calls 911. When the operator answers she yells,"Help, send the police to my house right away! There's a damn Democraton my front porch and he's playing with himself." "What?" the operator exclaimed. "I said there is a damn Democrat on myfront porch playing with himself and he's weird; I don't know him andI'm afraid! Please send the police!" the little old lady repeated." Well, now, how do you know he's a Democrat?" "Because, you damn fool, if it was a Republican, he'd be screwingsomebody!"

A blonde who's down on her luck is walking through a luxurious neighborhood looking for odd jobs to do when she approaches a large house. She goes up to the house, rings the bell and the owner comes to the door.He asks the lady what he can do for her. The blonde tells him of her situation, that she is down on her luck and wants to know if he has any odd jobs that she could do. The man thinks about it for a second and then remembers that he has been wanting to paint his porch. He asks the blonde if she paints? The blonde says, "Sure anything." "Well, I've been wanting to paint my porch, how much would you charge?" the man replies."I don't know, say $50 bucks." "Sounds good. Go ahead and get started." He closes the door and walks back inside.His wife asks him, "Who was at the door?" He tells her of the blonde and her situation and then told his wife that the blonde agreed to paint the porch for $50 bucks. The astonished wife says, more...

Molly, age 9, and Sammy, age 10, are sitting on the front porch swing. Sammy says to Molly, "Screw you, Molly."

A minute goes by and Molly replies, "Screw YOU, Sammy."

A moment or two and Sammy says, "Screw YOU, Molly."

In response, "Screw *YOU*, Sammy," Molly says.

After about ten minutes of this, Molly's mom comes out on the porch and says, "What on earth are you kids doing?"

They reply in unison, "We're having oral sex!"

There was a farmer who was very protective of his daughters. Before every date, he would meet the young man at the porch with his shotgun, and if he didn't measure up, he'd make sure they left.
One day all three of his daughters were going out on the same night. The first young man drove up and approached the porch.
"Hi, my name is Joe, I'm here to get Flo, we're going to the show, is she ready to go?" The farmer liked this guy, and let him leave with his daughter.
Shortly, the next guy drove up and approached the porch. "Hi, my name is Freddy, I'm here to get Betty, we're going for spaghetti, is she ready?" The farmer liked this guy too, and let him leave with his second daughter.
Soon the third guy drove up and approached the porch.
"Hi, my name is Chuck..." and the farmer shot him.

There was a farmer, sitting on the front porch of his house this one hotsummer day, when this kid comes walking down the road carrying a bigbundle of wire."Hey kid!" the farmer says. "Where ya goin' with that wire?""Well," the kid drawls, "this here ain't just any ol' wire, this here'schicken wire - I'm fixin' to catch me some chickens!""You can't catch chickens with chicken wire!""Sure I can!" the kid says, and takes off down the road. He comes back atthe end of the day and sure enough, he's got a whole mess of chickenscaught in his chicken wire. Well, the farmer's sitting on his porch the next day, and the same kidcomes walking down the lane, carrying a big roll of tape. "Hey kid!" the farmer yells. "Where ya goin' with that tape?" "Well, thishere ain't just any ol' tape, this here's duck tape - I'm fixin' to catchme some ducks!""You can't catch ducks with duck tape!" the farmer yells more...

One day this blonde was looking for work so she was knoking on all her neighbors doors asking if they needed any yard work done. She knoked on one mans door and he said sure you can pint the porch, how much do oyu think would be fair? 50$ said the blonde and the man gave her the paint. He went inside and told his wife. "
what"
, said the wife. "
does she know how big the porch is??"
The man said "
yeah she was standing right on it"
An hour later she came to the door and said "
im done i even had enogh paint left over to do to coats!!"
"
WOW"
siad the man and quikley gave her the money. "
oh and by the way"
, said the blonde."
ts not a porch its a PORSH"
!!