Pour Jokes / Recent Jokes
Bonne nouvelle: on peut avoir 464.285,71 hommes pour 1 femme !!!
Une
Inebriated drinker says to the bartender (with a drunken slur), “Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill. ”
So, the bartender does just that and hands the man a bill for $37. 00. The drunk says, “I haven’t got it. ” The bartender slaps the guy around a few times then throws him out into the street.
The very next day the same drunk walks into the bar and once again says (with a drunken slur), “Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill. ”
The bartender looks at the guy and figures to himself that he can’t possibly be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice so he gives him the benefit of the doubt, pours a round of drinks for the house, has a drink himself and hands the drunk a bill for $37. 00.
The drunk says, “I haven’t got it. ”
The bartender can’t believe it, so he picks the guy up, beats the living day lights out of him, and throws him out more...
Morning. Uh, just to help you cope until you wake up:
Feet. They are the frayed bits at the end of your legs. They go on the floor.
Hands. Also frayed, but somewhat different. Let's see, how do we sort this one? I know; stand up. Can you touch the floor with your nose without falling? Right, in that case your hands and feet are mixed up. Pick your hands up _after_ you've put your feet on the floor. Glad we've got that sorted. Now your hands will come in handy (just my little pun) for all sorts of things. Lifting your nightie so you don't pee on the hem. Holding the kettle under the tap while you try to remember what you are doing. Closing the curtains before the sunlight burns out your retinas. The main use for hands is to fend off any walls, doors, hatstands, or other predators which will attack without notice.
Ears. Best left off until you are fully awake. Nothing will sound right, and you'll spend far too much time worrying about the ominous creak which is in fact a more...
A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender (with a drunken slur), "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill."
So, the bartender does just that and hands the man a bill for $57. 00. The drunk says, "I haven't got it."
The bartender slaps the guy around a few times then throws him out into the street.
The very next day the same drunk walks into the bar and once again says (with a drunken slur), "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill."
The bartender looks at the guy and figures to himself that he can't possibly be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice, so he gives him the benefit of the doubt, pours a round of drinks for the house, has a drink himself and hands the drunk a bill for $67. 00. The drunk says, "I haven't got it."
The bartender can't believe it. He picks the guy up, beats the more...
Two Irishmen, Murphy and Brian grew up in the same village together. They were friends all their lives, married a pair of sisters, and lived just down the street from one another. But now, Murphy had cancer, and was lying on his deathbed, surrounded by his friends.
He calls, "Brian, come here Brian. I have a request for you."
Brian walks to his friends bedside and kneels down.
"Brian, we've been friends all our lives, and now I'm dying here. I have one last request for you to do."
Brian bursts into tears, "Anything Murphy, anything you wish. It's done."
"Well, under me bed is a box containing a bottle of the finest whiskey in all of Ireland. Bottled the year I was born it was. After I die, and they plant me in the ground, I want you to pour that fine whiskey over me grave so it might soak into me bones and I'll be able to enjoy it for all eternity."
Brian was overcome by the beauty and true Irish spirit of his friend's more...
Never pour black coffee into an intoxicated person. If you do, you'll wind up with a wide-awake drunk on your hands.