Pour Jokes / Recent Jokes
People are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with most diets is that you don't get enough to eat (the starvation diet), you don't get enough variation (the liquid diet) or you go broke (the all-meat diet). Consequently, people tend to cheat on their diets, or quit after 3 days. Well, now there's the new Toddler Miracle Diet.Over the years you may have noticed that most two year olds are trim. Now the formula to their success is available to all in this new diet. You may want to consult your doctor before embarking on this diet, otherwise, you may be seeing him afterwards. Good Luck !!! DAY ONE:Breakfast: One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly.Eat 2 bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor.Take 1 bite of toast, then smear the jelly over your face and clothes.Lunch: Four crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips, and a glass of milk (3 sips only, then spill the rest).Dinner: A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel, 4 sips of flat more...
DESS pour Femmes modernes
Une formation inedite assuree conjointement par les departements de sociologie et de psychologie de l'Universite Paris 2
Une opportunite a saisir: developper la fonction cerebrale chez la femme moderne
* Objectif pedagogique du diplome:
initier les femmes a une experience fascinante comme l'usage du cerveau.
* Conditions requises d'admission:
l'existence d'un tuteur de sexe masculin sous le regime de la communaute
sans lequel les enseignements perdent toute efficacite pedagogique.
Elle est necessaire a la bonne assimilation des connaissances acquises.
* Duree:
Brunes: 1 mois et demi par module d'enseignement
Rousses: 3 mois par module d'enseignement
Blondes: 6 mois par module (possibilite de formation continue)
* Programme:
L'enseignement est reparti en 4 modules.
MODULE 1: Vouloir utiliser son cerveau
1. Accepter son propre destin: vous etes nee femme.
2. Connaitre son habitat more...
HOLIDAY RECIPE:
Step 1: Go buy a turkey
Step 2: Take a drink of Scotch
Step 3: Put turkey in the oven
Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of Scotch
Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens
Step 6: Take 3 more Scotch's of drink
Step 7: Turn oven the on
Step 8: Take 4 Scotch's of drinky
Step 9: Turk the bastey
Step 10: Scotch another bottle of get
Step 11: Stick a turkey in the thermometer
Step 12: Glass yourself a pour of Scotchey
Step 13: Bake the Scotch for 4 hours
Step 14: Pour another Scotch of glassey
Step 15: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 16: Floor the turkey up off of the pick
Step 17: Turk the carvey
Step 18: Get yourself another scottle of Botch
Step 19: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey
Step 20: Bless the saying, pass and eat out
New Miracle Diet! Flabby people are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with most diets is that you don't get enough to eat (the starvation diet), or you don't get enough variation (the liquid diet), or you go broke (the all-meat diet). Consequently, people tend to cheat on their diets, or quit after 3 days, or go right back to stuffing their faces after it is all over. Is there nothing you can do but give up and tell your friends you have a gland problem? Or is there a slim hope? Such is the new Toddler Miracle Diet! Over the years you may have noticed, as I have, that most two-year-olds are trim. It came to me one day over a cup of black coffee and a carrot that perhaps their diet is the reason. After consultation with pediatricians, X-ray technicians, and distraught parents, I was able to formulate this new diet. It is inexpensive, offering great variety and sufficient quantity. Before embarking on this diet, however, be sure to check with your doctor. .. otherwise more...
A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill." So, the bartender does just that and hands the man a bill for $57.00. The drunk says, "I haven't got it." The bartender slaps the guy around a few times then throws him out into the street. The very next day the same drunk walks into the bar and once again says, "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill." The bartender looks at the guy and figures to himself that he can't possibly be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice, so he gives him the benefit of the doubt, pours a round of drinks for the house, has a drink himself and hands the drunk a bill for $67.00. The drunk says, "I haven't got it." The bartender can't believe it. He picks the guy up, beats the living daylights out of him, then throws him out into the street. The next day the same drunk walks more...
People are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble
with most diets is that you don't get enough to eat (the starvation
diet), you don't get enough variation (the liquid diet) or you
go broke (the all-meat diet).
Consequently, people tend to cheat of their diets, or quit after 3
days. Well, now there's the new Toddler Miracle Diet. Over the
years you may have noticed that most two year olds are trim.
Now the formula to their success is available to all
in this new diet. You may want to consult your doctor before
embarking on this diet, otherwise, you may be seeing him
afterwards. Good Luck! !!
DAY ONE
-------
Breakfast: One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape
jelly. Eat 2 bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest
on the floor. Take 1 bite of toast, then smear the jelly
over your face and clothes.
Lunch: Four crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips,
and a glass of more...
Two Irishmen, Murphy and O'Brian grew up in the same village together. They were friends all their lives, married a pair of sisters, and lived just down the street from one another. But now, Murphy had cancer, and was lying on his deathbed, surrounded by his friends.
He calls,' 'O'Brian, come' ere O'Brian. I' ave a request for ye.'' O'Brian walks to his friends bedside and kneels down.
''O'Brian, we've been friends all our lives, and now I'm dying' ere. I' ave one last request fir ye to do.''
O'Brian bursts into tears,' 'Anything Murphy, anything ye wish. It's done.''
''Well, under me bed is a box containing a bottle of the finest whiskey in all of Ireland. Bottled the year I was born it was. After I die, and they plant me in the ground, I want you to pour that fine whiskey over me grave so it might soak into me bones and I'll be able to enjoy it for all eternity.''
O'Brian was overcome by the beauty and true Irish spirit of his more...