Prescription Jokes / Recent Jokes

An 80 year old man went to the doctor to ask for a prescription for Viagra. The doctor was a bit taken aback not only by his age but also because he was a widower. He told him he would have to have a physical first to make sure his heart, etc., was up to it.
He checked out OK for a man his age, so the doctor handed him a sample package. "Lets just try a couple of pills first and see how well you tolerate it. If it works out I'll write you a prescription."
The old man looked at the pills and said "Doc. Don't you have something smaller? All I want is a quarter of a pill."
"Sir, you are 80 years old. Trust me on this. You don't want a quarter of a pill. That won't do you any good at all. If you want a satisfactory sexual experience you're going to need a full dose."
"Doc, you don't understand. I don't want to have sex. I just want to get the damn thing out there far enough that I can stop peeing on my shoes."

Jack: "My brother was sick and went to the doctor."John: "Is he feeling better now?"Jack: "No, he has a broken arm."John: "How did he break it?"Jack: "Well, the doctor gave him a prescription and told him no matter what happened, to follow that prescription. And the prescription blew out of the window."John: "How did he break his arm?"Jack: "He fell out of the window trying to follow the prescription."

Pedal-powered dialysis machines. Use of antibiotics deemed an "unauthorized experimental procedure" Head-wound victim in the waiting room is on the last chapter of "War and Peace" You ask for Viagra. You get a popsicle stick and duct tape. Annual breast exam conducted at Hooters. Exam room has a tip jar. You swear you saw salad tongs and a crab fork on the instrument tray just before the anesthesia kicked in. "Will you be paying in eggs or pelts?" Tight budget prevents acquisition of separate rectal thermometers. "Take two leeches and call me in the morning" The company logo features a hand squeezing a bleeding turnip. Tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicle. Covered postnatal care consists of leaving your baby on Mia Farrow's doorstep. Radiation treatment for cancer patients requires them to walk around with a postcard from Chernobyl in their pocket. "Pre-natal vitamin" prescription is a box of Tic-Tacs. Chief Surgeon graduated more...

Doctor, "What seems to be the problem?" Patient, "Doc, I've got the farts. I mean I fart all the time," The Doctor nods, "Hmm." Patient, "My farts do not stink and you can't hear them. It's just that I fart all the time. Look, we've been talking here for about 10 minutes and I've farted five times. You didn't hear them and you don't smell them, do you?" "Hmm," says the Doctor, He picks up his pad and writes out a prescription. The patient is thrilled "Great doc. This prescription, will it really clear up my farts?" "No," sighs the Doctor, "The prescription is to clear your sinuses. Next week I want you back here for a hearing test."

Patient: Doctor, what I need is something to stir me up; something to put me in a fighting mood. Did you put something like that in this prescription? Doctor: No need for that. You will find that in your bill.

A lady walks into a drug store and tells the pharmacist she needs some cyanide.
The pharmacist said, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady explained she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "Lord have mercy, I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! They'll throw both of us in jail and I'll lose my license."
Then the lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife and handed it to the pharmacist.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, you didn't tell me you had a prescription."

Jack: "My brother was sick and went to the doctor."

John: "Is he feeling better now?"

Jack: "No, he has a broken arm."

John: "How did he break it?"
Jack: "Well, the doctor gave him a prescription and told him no matter what happened, to follow that prescription. And the prescription blew out of the window."

John: "How did he break his arm?"

Jack: "He fell out of the window trying to follow the prescription."