Prison Jokes / Recent Jokes

IN PRISON...You spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell. AT WORK... You spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.IN PRISON...You get three meals a day. AT WORK... You only get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it.IN PRISON...You get time off for good behavior. AT WORK... You get rewarded for good behavior with more work.IN PRISON...A guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you. AT WORK... You must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.IN PRISON...You can watch TV and play games. AT WORK... You get fired for watching TV and playing games.IN PRISON...You get your own toilet. AT WORK... You have to share.IN PRISON...They allow your family and friends to visit. AT WORK... You cannot even speak to your family and friends.IN PRISON...All expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required. AT WORK... You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.IN PRISON...You spend most more...

In Prison:
You spend your time in an 8 x 10 cell
At Work:
You spend your time in an 6 x 8 cubicle
In Prison:
You get three free meals a day
At Work:
You get one break for a meal you pay for
In Prison:
A guard locks and unlocks all doors for you
At Work:
You carry a security card, you unlock the doors
In Prison:
You get to watch TV and play games
At Work:
You get fired for watching TV and playing games
In Prison:
You get your own toilet
At Work:
You have to share
In Prison:
Family and friends are allowed to visit
At Work:
You're not allowed to speak to family or friends
In Prison:
Expenses are paid by taxpayers and work is not required
At Work:
You pay to go to work and you get to deduct expenses
on your taxes to pay for prisoners
In Prison:
You look through the bars, hoping to get out
At Work:
You want to get out so you can go inside the bars
In more...

The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know
anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"

"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place' the
prison' and call my private thing' the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
prisoner in the prison.

And then they made love for the first time.

Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.

Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."

Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."

After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but
the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"

The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a more...

...the illinois dept of corrections has announced that approximately 100 inmates will be released early from prison...a spokesman said the prison will need the room to accommodate incoming elected officials.

Irishman, Englishman and a German are caught in Saudi Arabia drinking. "Under Saudi law you are sentenced to 30 lashes then deported. Before you begin you are entitled to something on you back, what would you like?" said the prison guard to the Englishman just before lashing him. The English man, being a bit of a cricket fan, asked for linseed oil. When they lashed him on a post and let him go to catch his flight back to London he groaned and crawled to the airport. Next came the German. "Under Saudi law you are sentenced to 30 lashes then deported. Before you begin you are entitled to something on you back, what would you like?" said the prison guard "Nothing" said the German and, after receiving his lashes spat on the ground, called the prison guards Schisers and started off towards the airport. The guards then came to the Irishman. "Under Saudi law you are sentenced to 30 lashes then deported. Before you begin you are entitled to something on you more...

Melbourne, Australia
Gun-toting granny Ava Estelle, 81, was so ticked-off when two thugs raped her 18-year-old granddaughter that she tracked the unsuspecting ex-cons down and shot off their testicles.

The old lady spent a week hunting those men down - - and when she found them, she took revenge on them in her own special way, said Melbourne police investigator Evan Delp. Then she took a taxi to the nearest police station, laid the gun on the sergeant's desk and told him as calm as could be: "Those bastards will never rape anybody again, by God."

Cops say convicted rapist and robber Davis Furth, 33, lost both his penis and his testicles when outraged Ava opened fire with a 9-mm pistol in the hotel room where he and former prison cellmate Stanley Thomas, 29, were holed up. The wrinkled avenger also blew Thomas' testicles to kingdom come, but doctors managed to save his mangled penis, police said. "The one guy, Thomas, didn't lose his manhood, more...

Subject: You Deserve a Break TodaySan Francisco (UPI)-In what legal observers are already calling a landmark decision in the case of Jackson v. California, the California Supreme Court has recognized for the first time a constitutional right to chicken done right.The high court held that under the the due process clause and the constitutional prohibition of cruel and unusual punishment, Joseph Jackson, a prisoner at the California Men's Correctional Institue at Camarillo, is entitled to food "of fair average quality," or "comparable to the fare at a modest restaurant or fast-food chain."Mr. Jackson had complained of the poor quality of the prison kitchen's Coq au Vin....