Prison Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q:After a runner reached the end of a long, gruelling marathon, officials were amazed to see him continue to run. Why did he do this?
A:The man was let out of prison for the day to enter the marathon. He kept on running to avoid prison.

For New Hampshire resident, Gaetan Roy, the plan could not have been simpler. Rob a bank, get a coffee, go to jail, and get ‘supported’. Roy recently lost his job and felt that prison was the best option. When asked, Roy said, “Sure I could get another job, but where am I going to find one with lots of gay sex.”

Whats the difference between nursing homes and prisons?

People Visit Prisons.

America's jailbirds don't give up. Disappointed by the criminal justice system, this plucky lot still has faith in the civil side. Last year, the states spent $81 million defending what state attorneys general called frivolous lawsuits. Here are a few favorites:

A Virginia inmate tried to sue himself for $5 million on the grounds that he had gotten drunk and caused himself to violate his religious beliefs by committing a crime. Because he had no money, he wanted the state to pay the $5 million.

A convicted New York rapist sued the state, claiming he lost sleep and suffered headaches and chest pains after being given a "defective haircut" by an unqualified barber.

A Nevada inmate sued when he ordered two jars of chunky peanut butter at the Nevada State Prison canteen and received one chunky and one creamy.

A San Quentin death row inmate sued California, claiming his civil rights were violated because his packages were sent via UPS more...

The warden, addressing the three instigators of a failed prison riot, said,
"I would like to know two things.First: Why did you revolt?Second: How did you get out of your cell?"One of the three men stepped forward, "Warden, we rebelled because the food is awful.""I see. And what did you use to break the bars?" the warden asked.Replied the spokesman, "French Toast..."

An inmate in Virginia sued himself for $5,000,000 for 'violating his rights by getting himself in prison.' However, since he can't get an income in prison, he requests that the government pay the money for him.
A woman sued Kenmore Inc., after she gave her poodle a bath. She stuck him in the microwave on low to dry him off, and is suing Kenmore for the death of her dog.
Four women have sued an Irvine restaurant after one of them claims she found a condom in her clam chowder when dining there last year.
A 10-year-old boy tried to sue his landlord, because, he says, the toilet exploded when he flushed it.
A 27-year-old man tried rocking a vending machine back and forth so he could try to steal a coke from it... and the machine fell on top of him. He is suing the station.
A woman in a California grocery store dropped a beer bottle on her foot. She is suing the store. It didn't leave any damage says reporters, but the lady claims 'it hurt.'
A man is suing American more...

A woman woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from their bed. In the dark, stillness of the house, she could hear a muffled sound downstairs.
She got out of bed, cautiously went downstairs and looked all around, still not finding her husband. Listening again, she could definitely hear moaning. She opened the door to the cellar and went down to the steps to find her husband, crouched in the corner facing the wall, crying.
She asked him, "What's wrong with you?"
He replied, "Remember when your father caught us together, when you were 16? Remember he said I had a choice: I could either marry you, or be sent away to prison for the next 20 years."
Baffled, she said, "Yes."
The husband bawled, "I would have been released from prison today."