Prison Jokes / Recent Jokes
On Saturday, 14 Saudi Arabians were released from the Guantanamo Bay detention center. "We can't wait to go home," said one. "Although as our wives are not allowed to drive, we have no idea who will pick us up at the airport."
A new man is brought into Prison Cell 102.
Already there is a long-time resident who looks 100 years old.
The new man looks at the old-timer inquiringly.
The old-timer says, "Look at me. I'm old and worn out.
You'd never believe that I used to live the life of Riley.
I wintered on the Riviera, had a boat, four fine cars, the most beautiful women, and I ate in all the best restaurants of France."
The new man asked, "What happened?"
"One day Riley reported his credit cards missing!"
In prison, you get three square meals a day. At home, you cook three square meals a day and try to get your kids to eat it. In prison, you get an hour each day in the yard to exercise and mingle. At home you get to clean the yard up so you can mow it so your kids can spread more toys all over it so that you can go out and clean it again because little Jr. can't sleep without his latest lego creation. In prison, you get to watch TV, cable even. At home, you get to listen to your children fight over the remote control and get treated to hours and hours of mindless cartoons thanks to cable. In prison, you can read whatever you want and attend college for free. At home, you get to read weekly readers starring Dick, Jane, and Spot and worry about how to send Jr. to college and still be able to eat for the next twenty years. In prison, all your medical care is free. At home, you have to pawn your mother's silver and fill out trillions of papers for insurance and hope the doctor will see you more...
An Ohio man was sentenced to life in prison for fatally shooting a teenager who was walking on his carefully tended lawn.
The man said he regretted the shooting, since his lawn looked better without a dead body on it.
Like a prison without bars and a porn mag lying on the floor - such is the internet.
A Texan convicted of robbery worked out a deal to pay $9600 in damages rather than serve a two-year prison sentence. For payment, he provided the court a forged check. He got his prison term back, plus eight more years.
Three people are in a prison camp, and decide to compare reasons for being sent there.
The first one says: "I was late for work, so I was arrested for sabotage."
The second one says: "I was early, so I was arrested for spying."
The third one says: "I was on time; I was arrested for buying a foreign watch off the black market."