Prisoners Jokes / Recent Jokes
China - Ah... Capitalism is alive and well in China as a southern Chinese hospital sells livers from executed prisoners to wealthy Asian transplant patients. A Hong Kong newspaper reported on Sunday that undercover reporters were urged to book a liver from a good young prisoner during the current spate of mass executions that precedes the Chinese New Year. Our experience tells us that there are many organs before the Lunar New Year, a doctor from the Sun Yat Sen University Hospital in Guangzhou told the South China Sunday Morning Post. If you miss this chance, you may have to wait until Labor Day. China has always insisted that donations are voluntary. But doctors from the hospital told the Post that consent was not required for criminals and most organs came from executed prisoners. The hospital, which subsequently denied the doctors comments, charges about 20, 000 pounds for a liver transplant.
A king is sentencing his prisoners. The first person enters and says that he stole a horse. "Hang him," the king yells. The second person comes in and says he stole old ladies' purses. "You heartless fiend! Shoot him" the king growls. The third person comes in and says that he pirated software on the internet and stole billions of dollars from internet companies. "Well what the heck are you guys doing just standing there?", he tells his men, "Hire him already!"
What do wives and proctologists have in common?
They always have to deal with a pain in the ass.
What's the difference between husbands and prisoners?
Prisoners complain behind bars. Husbands complain in them.
When does a man feel like watering the garden?
After having a six pack.
What's the difference between a happy marriage and a fairy tale?
Fairy tales happen at least once upon a time.
What do women and tax forms have in common?
Men love to cheat on them.
What does a married man say after sex?
Don't tell my wife.
What's the best part of marriage?
Divorce.
Why do husbands appreciate hell?
At least there, they know what they did wrong.
Remember: The Bible says to "Love thy neighbor," but make sure her husband isn't home first.
Frederick II, the eighteenth-century King of Prussia, fancied himself an enlightened monarch, and in some respects he was. On one occasion he is supposed to have interested himself in conditions in the Berlin prison and was escorted through it so that he might speak to the prisoners. One after the other, the prisoners fell to their knees before him, bewailing their lot and, predictably, protesting their utter innocence of all charges that had been brought against them.
Only one prisoner remained silent, and finally Frederick's curiosity was aroused.
'You,' he called. 'You there.'
The prisoner looked up. 'Yes, Your Majesty?'
'Why are you here?'
'Armed robbery, Your Majesty.'
'And are you guilty?'
'Entirely guilty, Your Majesty. I richly deserve my punishment.'
At this Frederick rapped his cane sharply on the ground and said, 'Warden, release this guilty wretch at once. I will not have him here in jail where by example he will corrupt all the splendid more...
There were three prisoners who were about to be executed by the electric chair. The guards strapped down the first one, a Frenchman, onto the chair, and they asked him for his last words.
"Vive la France!" he said, meaning 'Long live France'.
When they pulled the switch, nothing happened. Everyone was amazed and thought that a miracle had occurred. The Frenchman was saved from death and released.
The guards strapped the second one, an Englishman, in the chair. When asked for his last words, he said, "Long live the Queen!"
Again, when they pulled the switch, nothing happened. He was saved and released.
When they asked the last prisoner who was an Irishman for his last words, he said, "Do you know why the other two prisoners escaped death? It's because you stupid blokes forget to plug in the cable!"