Product Jokes / Recent Jokes

This was sent to me by a person who wishes to remain anonymous to protect His/Her good standing with collegues at work. I'm guessing they don't have as good a sense of humor as this individual :)
I heared of one funny product warning which was supposedly printed on a condom box:
"Warning: If this product should be found ineffective, then Happy Father's Day!"

ACTUAL PRODUCT INSTRUCTIONS:
ON A HAIRDRYER:
*Do not use while sleeping.
ON A BAG OF FRITOS:
*You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
ON A BAR OF DIAL SOAP:
*Directions: Use like regular soap.
FROZEN DINNER SERVING SUGGESTION:
*Defrost.
ON A HOTEL-PROVIDED SHOWER CAP IN A BOX:
*Fits one head.
ON TESCO'S TIRIMISU DESERT:
*Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.)
ON MARKS & SPENCER BREAD PUDDING:
*Product will be hot after heating.
ON PACKAGING FOR A ROWENTA IRON:
*Do not Iron clothes on body.
ON BOOTS CHILDRENS COUGH MEDICINE:
*Do not drive car or operate machinery.
ON NYTOL (A SLEEP AID):
*Warning: May cause drowsiness.
ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE:
*Warning: Keep out of children.
ON A STRING OF CHINESE MADE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS:
*For indoor or outdoor use only.
ON A JAPANESE FOOD PROCESSOR:
*Not to be used for the other use.
ON SAINSBURY'S more...

ACTUAL PRODUCT INSTRUCTIONS:ON A HAIRDRYER:*Do not use while sleeping.ON A BAG OF FRITOS:*You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.ON A BAR OF DIAL SOAP:*Directions: Use like regular soap.FROZEN DINNER SERVING SUGGESTION:*Defrost.ON A HOTEL-PROVIDED SHOWER CAP IN A BOX:*Fits one head.ON TESCO'S TIRIMISU DESERT:*Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.)ON MARKS & SPENCER BREAD PUDDING:*Product will be hot after heating.ON PACKAGING FOR A ROWENTA IRON:*Do not Iron clothes on body.ON BOOTS CHILDRENS COUGH MEDICINE:*Do not drive car or operate machinery.ON NYTOL (A SLEEP AID):*Warning: May cause drowsiness.ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE:*Warning: Keep out of children.ON A STRING OF CHINESE MADE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS:*For indoor or outdoor use only.ON A JAPANESE FOOD PROCESSOR:*Not to be used for the other use.ON SAINSBURY'S PEANUTS:*Warning: contains nutsON AN AMERICAN AIRLINES PACKET OF NUTS:*Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.ON A SWEDISH CHAINSAW:*Do not more...

Revision codes
Once you start playing with software you quickly become aware that each software package has a revision code attached to it. It is obvious that this revision code gives the sequence of changes to the product, but in reality there’s substantially more information available through the rev-code than that. This article provides a guide for interpreting the meaning of the revision codes and what they actually signify.
1. 0: Also known as “one point uh-oh”, or”barely out of beta”. We had to release because the lab guys had reached a point of exhaustion and the marketing guys were in a cold sweat of terror. We’re praying that you’ll find it more functional than, say, a computer virus and that its operation has some resemblance to that specified in the marketing copy.
1. 1: We fixed all the killer bugs …
1. 2: Uh, we introduced a few new bugs fixing the killer bugs and so we had to fix them, too.
2. 0: We did the product we really more...

Those vexatious software companies.
 
We all know about them. Their software products range from user friendly software to the truly inimical software. Most people would tell you that the majority of software fall in to the latter category. Why?, One might ask. Well, it's just the way it is. To elaborate my point, I present you with the following "Important Notice" I found on the back side of a certain software package.
Important Notice to the purchaser.
 The purchaser of this package, hereinafter referred to as the goose punter, is requested to read the under mentioned notice, and on opening and breaking the seal of this package, shall be deemed to have agreed to the following terms.
 The goose punter undertakes to use the software on one computer only, and not to duplicate the software on to other computers whether owned by the goose punter or not.
 The goose punter also undertakes not to complain about the ridiculously complicated copy more...

Condom Modelling Rejection TROJAN CONDOM COMPANY 6969 Slippery Root Drive Droptrouser, NC 22269Dear John Doe, We regret to inform you that we have rejected your application to model and represent our product, TROJAN CONDOMS.Although your general appearance is not displeasing, our Board of Directors feels that your wearing of our product in the advertisement does not portray a positive, romantic image for our product. A loose baggy and wrinkled condom is NOT considered romantic.We did admire your efforts to try and firm it up by using Polygrip, but even then it slipped off before we could get the photographs taken. We would like to note, however, that yours is the first we've seen that looked like a bicycle grip.We appreciate your interest and thank you for your time. We will retain your application for future consideration, if by chance we decide that there is a market for micro-mini condoms.We send greetings and our deepest sympathy.Yours very truly, Burley Dick, PresidentTROJAN more...

On a cardboard windshield sun shade: "Warning: Do Not Drive With Sun Shield in Place"(why... a duh!)On an infant's bathtub: Do not throw baby out with bath water.(ah-ha! So that's what happened to my little sister!)On a Magic 8 Ball: Not advised for use as a home pregnancy test.(oh sure... now they tell me!)On a roll of Life Savers: Not for use as a flotation device.(aye matey... but the sharks love' em!)On a disposable razor: Do not use this product during an earthquake. On a handgun: Not recommended for use as a nutcracker. On pantyhose: Not to be used in the commission of a felony.(well that's just great... now what do I use!)On a Pentium chip: If this product exhibits errors, the manufacturer will replace it for a $2- shipping and a $3-handling charge, for a total of $4. 97.(now you know WHY there was a Y2K bug!)On a palm sander: Not to be used to sand palms. On a blender: Not for use as an aquarium.(he-he... I gotta try this one!)On syrup of ipecac: Caution: May cause more...