Product Jokes / Recent Jokes
The Eight Worst Convenience FoodsAnd I thought nothing could top Hormel's pickled eggs... 8. Meeter's Kraut Juice (Stokely USA): Yes, that's sauerkraut juice, which is even worse than it sounds. The taste and smell can be a bit, well, harsh, but KJ is reputed by its fans to have medicinal benefits (as a source of vitamin C, cure for intestinal bugs, etc.), which adds up to a classic case of the cure being worse than the disease. 7. Guycan Corned Mutton with Juices Added (Bedessee Imports): The best thing about this Uruguayan canned good is the very pouty-looking sheep on the package label - he seems to be saying, "Go on, eat me already." The second-best thing is the presence of both "cooked mutton" and "mutton" in the ingredients listing, which would seem to have all the mutton bases covered. 6. Armour Pork Brains in Milk Gravy (Dial Corp.): If you're really looking to clog up those arteries in a hurry, you'll be pleased to learn that a single serving of more...
NEW PRODUCT: MICROSOFT CONTRACEPTIVES
Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating every aspect of American life with the introduction of Contraceptive98, a suite of applications designed for users who engage in sex.
Microsoft has been a pioneer in peer-to-peer connectivity and plug and play. It believes these technologies will give it substantial leverage in penetrating the copulation enhancement market. The product addresses two important user concerns: the need for virus protection and the need for a firewall to ensure the non-propagation of human beings.
The Contraceptive98 suite consists of three products: Condom98, DeFetus 1.0 (from Sementec), and AIDScan 2.1 (from Norton Utilities). A free copy of Intercourse Explorer 4.0 is bundled in the package. The suite also comes in two expanded versions. Contraceptive98 Professional is the Client/Server edition, for professionals in the sexual services sector. Contraceptive98 Small more...
On a cardboard windshield sun shade: "Warning: Do Not Drive With Sun Shield in Place"
(why...a duh!)
On an infant's bathtub: Do not throw baby out with bath water.
(ah-ha! So that's what happened to my little sister!)
On a Magic 8 Ball: Not advised for use as a home pregnancy test.
(oh sure...now they tell me!)
On a roll of Life Savers: Not for use as a flotation device.
(aye matey...but the sharks love 'em!)
On a disposable razor: Do not use this product during an earthquake.
On a handgun: Not recommended for use as a nutcracker.
On pantyhose: Not to be used in the commission of a felony.
(well that's just great...now what do I use!)
On a Pentium chip: If this product exhibits errors, the manufacturer will replace it for a $2- shipping and a $3-handling charge, for a total of $4.97.
(now you know WHY there was a Y2K bug!)
On a palm sander: Not to be used to sand palms.
On a blender: Not for use as an more...
On a cardboard windshield sun shade: "Warning: Do Not Drive With Sun Shield in Place"(why...a duh!)On an infant's bathtub: Do not throw baby out with bath water.(ah-ha! So that's what happened to my little sister!)On a Magic 8 Ball: Not advised for use as a home pregnancy test.(oh sure...now they tell me!)On a roll of Life Savers: Not for use as a flotation device.(aye matey...but the sharks love 'em!)On a disposable razor: Do not use this product during an earthquake.On a handgun: Not recommended for use as a nutcracker.On pantyhose: Not to be used in the commission of a felony.(well that's just great...now what do I use!)On a Pentium chip: If this product exhibits errors, the manufacturer will replace it for a $2- shipping and a $3-handling charge, for a total of $4.97.(now you know WHY there was a Y2K bug!)On a palm sander: Not to be used to sand palms.On a blender: Not for use as an aquarium.(he-he...I gotta try this one!)On syrup of ipecac: Caution: May cause more...
Goebel`s Second Law Of Useless Difficulty: The fastest way to get something done is to determine that it isn`t worth doing.
Goebel`s Law Of Computer Support: Troubleshooting a computer over the telephone is like having sex through a hole in a board fence. It can be done, but it is neither easy nor pleasant.
Goebel`s Law Of Software Compatibility: A statement of absolute functional equivalence made in bold print followed by several pages of qualifications in fine.
Goebel`s Theorem Of Software Schedules: Always multiply a software schedule by pi. This is because you think you`re going in a straight line but always end up going full circle.
Goebel`s Law Of Product Introductions: A future product release date does not say when a product will be introduced. All it says it that you don`t have a chance of seeing it before that time.
Goebel`s Observation On Utopia: If everyone believed in Peace, they would immediately begin fighting over more...
Goebel's Law Of Product Introductions: A future product release date does not say when a product will be introduced. All it says it that you don't have a chance of seeing it before that time.
News just in of Microsoft's latest venture: Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating every aspect of American life with the introduction of Contraceptive98, a suite of applications designed for users who engage in sex. Microsoft has been a pioneer in peer-to-peer connectivity and plug and play.
It believes these technologies will give it substantial leverage in penetrating the copulation enhancement market.The product addresses two important user concerns: the need for virus protection and the need for a firewall to ensure the non-propagation of human beings.
The Contraceptive98 suite consists of three products: Condom98, DeFetus 1.0 (from Sementec), and AIDScan 2.1 (from Norton Utilities). A free copy of Intercourse Explorer 4.0 is bundled in the package. The suite also comes in two expanded versions. Contraceptive98 Professional is the Client/Server edition, for professionals in the sexual services sector. Contraceptive98 Small Business Edition is a more...