Projector Jokes

1. Wear a hood with one eyehole. Periodically make strange gurgling noises.
2. After turning on the overhead projector, clutch your chest and scream
"MY PACEMAKER!"
3. Wear a pointed Kaiser helmet and a monocle and carry a riding crop.
4. Gradually speak softer and softer and then suddenly point to a student
and scream "YOU! WHAT DID I JUST SAY?"
5. Deliver your lecture through a hand puppet. If a student asks you a
question directly, say in a high-pitched voice, "The Professor can't
hear you, you'll have to ask *me*, Winky Willy".
6. If someone asks a question, walk silently over to their seat, hand them
your piece of chalk, and ask, "Would YOU like to give the lecture, Mr.
Smartypants?"
7. Pick out random students, ask them questions, and time their responses
with a stop watch. Record their times in your grade book while muttering
"tsk, tsk".
8. Ask students to call you more...

Early TV news (late 1940's - early 1950's) was highly experimental, broadcast "live," and plagued with unforeseen on-the-air foul-ups.
David Brinkley writes in his new autobiography, "David Brinkley - A Memoir," of a particular incident he endured in the pre-Huntley days - one of those things you can laugh at later, but seems like a nightmare when it's happening. (Printed without permission:)
"One of Brinkley's first regularly-scheduled NBC TV news reports was five minutes of air time at 6:00 p.m. filled with scraps of film gathered during the day by a single cameraman, George Johnson, a nice young man totally inexperienced and untrained in journalism, working with a handheld, spring-wound silent-film camera, a Bell and Howell Filmo, wandering alone around Washington during the day looking for something, anything, to put on the air that night.
Whatever he brought in was broadcast while I sat in a tiny studio out of sight of the audience looking at more...

1. Wear a hood with one eyehole. Periodically make strange gurgling noises.
2. After confirming everyone's names on the roll, thank the class for attending "Advanced Astrodynamics 690" and mention that yesterday was the last day to drop.
3. After turning on the overhead projector, clutch your chest and scream, "MY PACEMAKER!"
4. Wear a pointed Kaiser helmet and a monocle and carry a riding crop.
5. Gradually speak softer and softer and then suddenly point to a student and scream, "YOU! WHAT DID I JUST SAY?"
6. Deliver your lecture through a hand puppet. If a student asks you a question directly, say in a high-pitched voice, "The Professor can't hear you, you'll have to ask *me*, Winky Willy".
7. If someone asks a question, walk silently over to their seat, hand them your piece of chalk, and ask, "Would YOU like to give the lecture, Mr. Smartypants?"
8. Pick out random students, ask them questions, and time more...

In Sri Lanka we have this MP from Hali Ela, (presently minister of Justice and Buddha Sasana) W J M Lokubandara, who Sinhalised his initials to match whatever names he has, so now he is Wee Ja Moo Lokubandara. He had this programme in schools also to doctor initials.

WeeJayMoo once had gone to a school armed with overhead projector OHP) etc, dislodged lady teacher and asked students thier names. Here is a conversation that he had,

Wee Jee Moo: " oyage nama kiyanna".
Kid: "Mama L. B. Ratnayake".

Wee Jee Moo: "putha L. B. kiyanne mokak-da".
Kid: "Loku Banda".

Wee Jee Moo: "Meeta passay oya L. B. Ratnayake nemey, oya LoBa Ratnayake".

He asked another student
Wee Ja Moo: Putha kiyanna oyage sam-poorna nama
Kid: mage name PUlasthi Kankanamge Kapila Lucas Fernando
Wee Ja Moo: putha, ada indala oyage nama. Pu Ka KaLu Fernando
Another Kid: Sir mage nama K. N more...

1. Bring a CPR dummy to class and announce that it will be the teaching assistant for the semester. Assign it an office and office hours.
2. Point the overhead projector at the class. Demand each student's name, rank, and serial number.
3. Tell students that you'll fail them if they cheat on exams or "fake the funk".
4. Announce that you need to deliver two lectures that day, and deliver them in rapid-fire auctioneer style.
5. Pick out random students, ask them questions, and time their responses with a stop watch. Record their times in your grade book while muttering "tsk, tsk".
6. Wear a hood with one eyehole. Periodically make strange gurgling noises.
7. Sneeze on students in the front row and wipe your nose on your tie.
8. After confirming everyone's names on the roll, thank the class for attending "Advanced Astrodynamics 690" and mention that yesterday was the last day to drop.
9. After turning on the overhead more...