Protest Jokes

The last report was President Muburak was in denial (in the Nile)

Q: How many retarded Italian gardeners does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One, but don't expect results.

Q: How many European ballet dancers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they like Danzig in the dark.

Q: How many Mafia hitmen does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to screw it in, one to watch, and one to shoot the witness.

Q: How many Cornell students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two--one to change the lightbulb and one to crack under the pressure.

Note: Cornell is stereotyped as the most stressful of the Ivies.

Q: How many Columbia students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Seventy six-one to change the lightbulb, fifty to protest the lightbulb's right not to change and twenty five to hold a counter protest.

Note: Columbia was the most politically active of the ivies back in the 1960s.

Q: How many Yale students does it take to change more...

UC's basketball players would have joined the protest, but they couldn't find the classroom buildings.

Compiled by Harold Reynolds and updated on December 6, 1994

1. Introduction

The following is a manual of guidelines for the busy cat(s) who will have a house to manage after adopting one or more humans. It is, of course, impossible to cover all possible situations, as those humans are always up to some sort of mischief, but the compiler and contributors to this guide have endeavoured to cover as wide a variety of topics as possible. It is important that this document be kept out of the hands of humans, who will undoubtedly find a way to use it to their advantage.

2. Food

In order to get the energy to sleep, play, and hamper, a cat must eat. Eating, however, is only half the fun. The other half is getting the food. Cats have two ways to obtain food: convincing a human you are starving to death and must be fed now; and hunting for it oneself. The following are some guidelines for getting fed.

a) When the humans are eating, make sure more...

I was just visiting the National Italian American Foundation website looking for tips on gelling my hair, when I found a whole section protesting The Sopranos for depicting Italian Americans as mobsters.
Here's a tip, National Italian American Foundation! Instead of protesting a TV show for portraying Italians as mobsters, why not protest every Italian I grew up with in Jersey for pretending to be mobsters? While you're at it, see if you can get them to put on less than a gallon of cologne every day.


Your pal, Kurt Metzger