Psychiatrist Jokes / Recent Jokes

What happens when a psychiatrist and a hooker spend the night together?
In the morning each of them says: "120 dollars, please."

On a flight to Florida, I was preparing my notes for one of the parent education seminars I conduct as an educational
psychologist. The elderly woman sitting next to me explained that she was returning to Miami after having spent two weeks
visiting her six children, 18 grandchildren and ten greatgrandchildren in Boston. Then she inquired what I did for a living. I told her, fully expecting her to question me for free professional advice. Instead she sat back and said, "If there's anything you want to know, just ask me."

A guy walks into a psychiatrist's office with a concerned look on his face.
"Doc," he says, "I'm worried. It's that dream. I'm having it again!"
"What dream?" asked the psychiatrist.
"You know," says the man, "the one where I'm into sadism and bestiality and necrophilia. Should I be worried or am I just beating a dead horse?"

Psychiatrist: What's your problem? Patient: I think I'm a chicken. Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on? Patient: Ever since I was an egg!

This guy walks into a psychiatrist's office with a concerned look on his face. "Doc," he says, "I'm worried. It's that dream. I'm having it again." "What dream?" asked the shrink, not really paying attention." You know," says the man, "the one where I'm into sadism and bestiality and necrophilia. Should I be worried or am I just beating a dead horse?"

For several weeks," the distraught factory worker confided to his psychiatrist, "I was obsessed with the idea of putting my organ in the pickle slicer. The thought kept me awake nights. When I finally fell asleep, I would dream about it. I couldn't work effectively. All I could do was stare at the pickle slicer and daydream. Finally, I couldn't con-trol my passion. During lunch hour yesterday, I stayed in the factory and fulfilled my desire."
"My God!" gasped the psychiatrist. "What happened?"
"The foreman came back from lunch early," said the worker, "saw what was going on and fired me on the spot."
"What happened to the pickle slicer?"
"Of course," the worker responded, "she was fired, too."

A woman came to the psychiatrist worried. "Doctor," she said, "I can't sleep at night. When I'm in the next room, I have this dreadful fear that I won't hear the baby if he falls out of the crib at night. What should I do?" "Easy," said the doctor. "Just take the carpet off the floor."