Puke Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Cucumber a Pickle and a penis are sitting around talking about how difficult each of their lives are. The cucumber says "I have it the toughest i get chopped up and put into salads." The pickle responds " well i get put into a jar for months filled with my own urine." The Penis looks at them both and laughs at them "You guys have it easy" "I get shoved into dark caves 4 days of the week and have to do pushups until i puke."

A cop stops his patrol car when he sees Banta and his girlfriend sitting on the curb. Banta is laying on his side with his pants pulled down, the girl has her finger in his butt, and she's reaming away with a vengeance.
The cop says, "What the hell is going on?"
The girl says, "This is my date. When I told him I wouldn't spend the night with him, he started pounding down the booze. Now, he's too drunk to drive me home, so I'm trying to sober him up by making him puke."
The cop says, "That's not going to make him puke."
She says, "Yeah? Wait till I switch this finger to his mouth."

One day two drunks are standing on the corner of a busy street. One of them is bent over and the other has his finger up the other drunks ass. A cop sees the two of them and runs over to stop what there doing.

"What the hell are you doing with your finger up his ass? yells the cop.

"I'm trying to make him puke!" says the drunk.

"Well, you won't make him puke by sticking your finger up his ass", the cop says.

"I will when I stick it in his mouth", says the drunk.

There was a man who would come home blind drunk every night and vomit in the bathroom sink, and every night the man's wife would warn him that someday he would puke up his guts.
One day the wife cut up a chicken and left the guts in the sink, just to give him a scare. At about 3:00 a.m. the man came home and spewed in the same sink as always. About 30 minutes later, the man came out of the bathroom and said to his wife,''You were right honey, I really did puke up my guts, but don't worry, with the help of this long wooden spoon, I managed to put them all back."

New Zealand indigenous people (Mauri) have a wonderful language. But very often Sri Lankan immigrants (especially Sinhalese) experience embarrassing situations when they have to pronounce common place names and street names (in public) that are in Mauri. The reason is that the word "Puke" is being commonly used. Here are some examples for place names.
Pukekohe
Pukerangi
Pukekewa
Pukehina
So, this is the story.
My Filipino friend recently moved into a new house in Pukeora Street. So I asked him "do you know what does puke mean in Sinhalese?" he said "no" and I told him the meaning. He started laughing without stopping for a few minutes and said, "our languages are very close!"
"Why?"
"Because in Philippine language' puke' means vagina!"