Puns Jokes / Recent Jokes
A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day. She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing; she would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around furtively, then speak to them.
Generally the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money and something she carried in her bag. The couple assumed she was selling drugs, and debated calling the cops, but since they didn't know
for sure they just continued to watch her.
After a couple of weeks the wife said, "Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?"He hadn't and said so. Then she said, "Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she's really more...
A very wealthy lawyer vacationed for several weeks each year at his summer home in the backwoods of Maine. Each summer, he would invite friends to come to visit him.One summer he invited a lawyer from Czechoslovakia to visit him. The friend, eager to see how a wealthy American vacationed, gratefully agreed. They had a wonderful vacation, and spent a great deal of time exploring the woods and enjoying the natural setting.One morning, as the lawyer and his Czechoslovakian friend were walking through the woods, they were approached by two huge bears -- a male and a female. The lawyer noticed them in time to run for cover. His friend, however, was not so lucky. The male bear reached him and swallowed him whole.Seeing this, the lawyer ran to his Mercedes and sped for the nearest town to get the local sheriff. The sheriff grabbed a high-powered rifle and they raced back to the berry patch. Luckily, the bears were still there."He's in THAT one!" cried the lawyer, pointing at the more...
The curator of a Western art museum commissioned a local artist to paint a mural-sized painting of Custer's Last Thought. The artist was told to make it highly symbolic of Custer's mindset during the debacle at the Little Big Horn.
Deep in thought, the artist went to his studio. After many false starts, he proceeded to paint an enormous oil painting. Finally, after many months of work, the painting was unveiled for the curator.
In the foreground there was a beautiful blue lake with a single fish leaping out of the water. Around the fish's head was a halo. In the background, the hills and meadows were covered with naked Native American couples having sex.
The curator, both disgusted and baffled by what he saw, turned in rage and asked the artist,' What the hell has this got to do with Custer's Last Thought?'
The artist replied,' Custer's last thought: Holy Mackerel! Where did all these fucking Indians come from?'
A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.
The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, "Ah excuse me mister, but what are you doing?"
The farmer replies, "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize."
"How?" asks the man, puzzled.
"Well I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are out standing in their field."
Once upon a time there was a flock of angels with long flowing beautiful hair. But lo and behold, due to improper eating habits and advanced age, all their hair fell out.They soon saw the light and purchased gorgeous, extravagant wigs, which were even more golden and more flowing than their original hair.One day, there came unto the angels very bad tidings. They lost their financial security and were reduced to a penniless state. In utmost misery, they fell to their knees and prayed for a solution.Suddenly, the clouds parted and a thunderous voice gave forth the following, "Hock the Hair, Old Angels."
I am not a believer in séances, but I went to one just to see what they are like. The psychic was doing his thing and grinning from ear to ear. I assumed his merriment was due to the fact that he was fooling a gullible public and gave him a poke in the nose. You can probably guess the rest...I was arrested for striking a happy medium...