Puns Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

Who gave the Liberty Bell to Philadelphia?Must have been a duck familyA duck family?Didn't you say there was a quack in it!

In a cut sequence from the Return of the Jedi, Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader are fighting a duel to the death when suddenly Darth says to Luke:

"Not only am I your Father, but I also know what you're getting for Christmas!"

Taken aback by the change of subject and suspecting a trap, Luke replies cautiously:

"How could you possibly know what I'm getting for Christmas?"

Darth Vader.... "Because I've felt your presents...."

A physics professor at a state university in Michigan was famous for his animated lectures. He was short and thin with wild white hair and an excited expression. In lecture he would through himself from the
top of desks and throw frisbees to students in the back row to illustrate various principles.One day in class he was spinning on an office chair holding weights in each hand when he lost his balance and tumbled into the first row.He apologized to his class for going off on a tangent.

It's common knowledge that most people consider puns to be the lowest form of humor, and unfunny humor at that.
A few days ago I tried an experiment. I told a group of 10 people 10 diffent puns to see if any of the puns would make them laugh.
Unfortunately, NO PUN IN TEN DID.

Love 'em or hate 'em, it's Pun time. Puns, or "groaners" like some folks like to call them are fun. Try 'em on your friends and relatives, but keep a straight face when you tell them and be preapared for GROANS... then you'll see why they are called so... enjoy and pass 'em on! Energizer Bunny arrested; charged with battery.A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it's just kiln time.Dijon vu: the same mustard as before.Practice safe eating: always use condiments.I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way.A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax.If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons? A man needs a mistress just to break more...

A man was walking home alone one night when he heard a "BUMP....BUMP....BUMP..." behind him. Walking faster, he looked back, making out an image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards
him...."BUMP...BUMP...BUMP..."The man began to run toward his home, and the coffin bounced after him faster....faster...BUMP BUMP BUMP!He ran up to his door, fumbled with his keys, opened the door, rushed in, and locked it behind him. The coffin crashed through his door, with the lid of the coffin
clapping BUMP...BUMP...BUMP... on the heels of the terrified man. The man rushed upstairs to the bathroom and locked himself in, heart pounding.With a CRASH, the coffin broke down the door, coming slowly toward him. The man while screaming, reached for something, anything....all he can find was a box of cough drops which he hurled at the coffin.... and suddenly "the coffin stops!"