Puns Jokes / Recent Jokes

Our local Eden Corn Festival is this weekend. My favorite part is the crowning of the Corn Queen, otherwise know as Queened Corn. All the girls are absolutely beautiful - not a hominy one in the bunch. The winner is usually a fairly husky girl - the thin as a stalk types don't seem to win. And it helps to wear really flashy earrings. They present her with a lovely peach cobbler for a prize. One year some folks thought the contest was fixed, but they couldn't come up with a kernal of evidence!

A boy and his father are playing with toy cars, the father has the police car and pretends to pull over the car that the boy is playing with."Do you have a drivers license?" asks the father."No," says the boy."Are you resisting arrest?" he asks.The boy hesitates before he says, "No, but I'm not sleepy at all."

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. So he says,' 'Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a holiday.''

Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks him how much he wants to borrow. The frog says $30,000. The teller asks his name and the frog says it's Kermit Jagger and that it's ok, he knows the bank manager.

Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he would need to secure some collateral against the loan and asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.

The frog says' 'Sure, I have this'' and produces a tiny pink elephant, about half an inch tall. Bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says:' 'There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow 30 more...

There was a man who entered a local papers pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

It was a hot day in Minnesota. Helga hung the wash, put a roast in the oven, then went downtown to pick up some dry-cleaning.' 'Gutness, it's hot,'' she mused as she walked down Main Street.

She passed by a tavern and thought,' 'vy nodt?''

Helga sat at thebar and the bartender asked her what she would have. Helga said,' 'Ya know, it's zo hot, I tink I'll haff myself a cold beer.''

The bartender asked,' 'Annhauser Busch?''

Helga, surprised, replied,' 'Vell fine, tanks. Undt how's your pecker?

Have you ever had the experience of parking in a one-hour zone, inserting the coins, than finding yourself, forty-five minutes later, still in line at the bank? At such times, you might suddenly find religion, and fervently pray that you will make your meter.

Accountants do it with Double Entry

Acupuncturists do it with a small prick

Ambulance drivers come quicker

Australians do it Down Under

Bankers do it with interest

Bartenders do it on the Rocks

Chess players check their Mates

Cops do it with cuffs

DJs do it on request

Deep-sea divers do it under extreme pressure

Dentists do it orally

Detectives do it under cover

Don't do it with Bankers, most of them are Tellers

Firemen do it with a big hose

Frank Sinatra does it his way

Garbagemen come twice a week

Gardeners do it in the bushes

Gas attendants pump all day

Housewives do it for an allowance

Jockeys gallop hard and finish fast

Landlords do it the 1st of every month

Mountain climbers like to be on top

Military do it on command!

Pianists more...