Puppy Jokes / Recent Jokes

Did you hear that they have removed Al Gore`s name from consideration for the University of Alabama Head Coaching job? He can`t win in Tennessee, either!
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly... and for the same reason.
Al Gore`s Biography: "Bad Timing: A Presidential Obsession"
Gore, Nader, and Bush went on a boat trip. During their trip, the boat began to sink. As there were three of them, and only one life vest, they decided to vote on who would get it. They passed a hat around, then counted the ballots. Bush got one vote. Nader got one vote. Gore got seven votes.
"What`s the difference between Al Gore and a puppy? After three weeks, a puppy opens its eyes and stops whining."
"Why hasn`t Bush commented on the rulings? He said he didn`t think the judges were ready because he saw them in their robes this morning."
"What`s the difference between Al Gore`s inauguration and more...

On preparing to return home from an out of town trip, this man got a small puppy as a present for his son.Not having time to get the paper work to take the puppyonboard, the man just hid the pup down the front of hispants and snunk him onboard the airplane.. About 30minutes into the trip a stew noticed the man shakingand quivering. 'Are you OK, sir?' asked the stew? 'Yes, I'm fine.' said the man. Sometime later the stew noticed the man moaning, and shaking again.. 'Are you sure you're alright sir?' 'Yes.' said the man, 'but I have a confession to make. I didn't have time to get the paperwork to bring a puppy onboard, so I hid him down the front of my pants.' 'Whats wrong?' asked the stew, 'Is he not house broken?' 'No, that's not the problem. The problem is he's not weaned yet!'

The President is running down the street one day, and he sees a little girl who is giving away puppies that her dog just had.
He goes up to the girl and says, "Little girl, I think that it's wonderful that you're doing such a good thing."
The little girl says, "Thank you, Mr. Clinton. Would you like a puppy? They're Democrats."
Bill declines and jogs onward. The next day Billy jogs past the same girl and decides to talk to her again. "You know what, little girl? I think I'll take one of those puppies after all, seeing as how they're Democrats."
The girl says, "I'm sorry Mr. Clinton, but they're not Democrats any more. They're Republican now."
Bill says, "They are? How do you know? As a matter of fact, how did you know that they were Democrats at first to begin with?"
She says, "Well, just after they were born they were Democrats, but now their eyes are open."

The Patient(To The Psychiatrist): Please Help Me, Doctor. I Have This Terrible Feeling That I Am A Dog. Psychiatrist: How Long Have You Feeling Like That? Patient: Ever Since I Was A Puppy.

Gather presents, boxes, paper, etc. in middle of living room floor. Get tape back from puppy. Remove scissors from older dog's mouth. Open box. Take puppy out of box. Remove tape from older dog's mouth. Take scissors away from puppy. Put present in box. Remove present from puppy's mouth. Put back in box after removing puppy from box. Take scissors from older dog and sit on them. Remove puppy from box and put on lid. Take tape away from older dog. Unroll paper. Take puppy OFF box. Cut paper being careful not to cut puppy's foot or nose that is getting in the way as he "helps." Let puppy tear remaining paper. Take puppy off box. Wrap paper around box. Remove puppy from box & take wrapping paper from its mouth. Tell older dog to fetch the tape so he will stop stealing it. Take scissors away from puppy. Take tape older dog is holding. Quickly tape one spot before taking scissors from older dog & sitting on them again. Fend off puppy trying to steal tape & tape another spot. Take more...

Photographing a new puppy isn't as easy as it may first sound...
Remove film from box and load camera.
Remove film box from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.
Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle.
Choose a suitable background for photo.
Mount camera on tripod and focus.
Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth.
Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera.
Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees.
Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with other hand.
Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.
Take flash cube from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.
Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose.
Put magazines back on coffee table.
Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head.
Replace your glasses and check camera for damage.
Jump up in time to grab puppy by scruff of neck and say, "No, outside! No, outside!"
Call spouse to clean up more...

The President is running down the street one day, and he sees a little girl who is giving away puppies that her dog just had.

He goes up to the girl and says, "Little girl, I think that it`s wonderful that you`re doing such a good thing."

The little girl says, "Thank you, Mr. Clinton. Would you like a puppy? They`re Democrats."

Bill declines and jogs onward. The next day Billy jogs past the same girl and decides to talk to her again. "You know what, little girl? I think I`ll take one of those puppies after all, seeing as how they`re Democrats."

The girl says, "I`m sorry Mr. Clinton, but they`re not Democrats any more. They`re Republican now."

Bill says, "They are? How do you know? As a matter of fact, how did you know that they were Democrats at first to begin with?"

She says, "Well, just after they were born they were Democrats, but now their eyes are open."