Purchase Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. Juggle the fruit.
2. Wedge things in all the freezer and refrigerator doors, stopping them from closing all the way.
3. Purchase a live lobster and turn it loose in the store.
4. Shake all the sodas.
5. Have shopping cart races down the aisles.
6. Dump the tray of food samples into your purse.
7. Talk to the fresh fish.
8. Pop the champagne bottles.
9. Hold a bowling tournament in the aisles, using canteloupes for bowling balls and pineapples for bowling pins.
10. "Accidentally" drop a jar of pickles and walk away quickly.
11. Fill a shopping cart with items such as kleenex, diapers and toilet paper and leave it in the cereal aisle.
12. Talk to your Aunt Mildred, using a banana as a telephone.
13. Throw a party.
14. Fall alseep in a shopping cart in the middle of an aisle.
15. "Drive" your shopping cart up and down the aisles while making race car noises.
16. Try to auction off a grapefruit.
17. more...

Three priests were in the train station wanting to return home to Pittsburg. The agent at the ticket counter was an amazingly gorgeous, extremely well-endowed, young woman. The priests were all too embarrased to approach her, so they drew straws to see which one would go up and purchase the tickets.
The first priest approached the window. "Hello, young lady," he began. "I would like to purchase two pickets to Titsburg... " whereupon he immediately lost his composure and fled.
The second priest approached the window. "I wish to purchase three tickets to Pittsburg," he began, "and I'd like the change in nipples and dimes." Realizing what he had just said, he immediately turned on his heels and fled.
The third priest then approached the window. "Young lady," he began, "I would like to purchase three tickets to Pittsburg and I'd like the change in nickels and dimes, please. I must say," he continued, "if you more...

GARAGE SALE: Place an add in the classified section of your local newspaper advertising a GIGANTIC Garage Sale listing the address of your victim. Advertise televisons, cam-corder, vintage automobile, antiques, etc. Sale begins at 6 a. m. Come early!

X-RAYS AT AIRPORTS: Purchase a large adult bedroom toy. Wrap it in a large amount of tin foil. Secretly hide it in a piece of the victims carry on luggage. As it goes through the airport x-ray machine the contents of the device will be shielded by the tin foil and will be unwrapped-inspected by airport security officials. This one will make your sides hurt from laughter, if present during the inspection. Good for both male and female victims.

LOST KEYS: Get a hold of some old useless keys (car, house, etc) Place victim's name, phone number and $50 reward...... if found and returned. Drop the keys in one of the least desirable areas of town.

PAPER MONEY: Write a sexually orientated solicitation message, more...

A blonde walks in to a pawn shop. She looks around for a while and then approaches the clerk.' 'I would like to buy that TV over there.''

The clerk says' 'I am sorry lady we don't serve blondes here.''

The blonde leaves in a huff. The next day she returns wearing a brunette wig.' 'I would like to purchase that TV over there.''

Again the clerk says' 'Lady I told you yesterday we do not serve blondes here.''

Now the blonde is furious. The next day she dresses like a man (a suit, tie, mustache, etc.).

She approaches the clerk and says in a deep voice,' 'I would like to purchase the TV over there!''

The clerk says' 'Lady I told you twice already we do not sell to blondes here!''

She says to the clerk' 'How can you tell? Yesterday I wore a wig, today I am dressed like a man, how can you tell it is me??''

He laughs and says,' 'Because that's a microwave!!!!''