Push Jokes / Recent Jokes
These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.
Sign in a realtor's office: "Lots for little."
Sign in a shoe store: "Come in and have a fit."
Sign in a maternity clothes store: "We are open on labor day."
Sign in a non-smoking area: "If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
Sign on the door of the maternity ward: "Push Push Push."
Sign at entrance of the IRS: "Watch your step."
Sign at the exit of the IRS: "Watch your mouth."
Sign in a bookstore: "We treat you write."
Sign on a front door: "Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog."
The following signs, spotted at various locations, say it all:
Sign over a gynecologist's office:
Dr. Jones, at your cervix.
At a military hospital - door to endoscopy:
To expedite your visit, please back in.
On a Plumber's truck:
We repair what your husband fixed.
On the trucks of a local plumbing company:
Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.
Pizza shop slogan:
7 days without pizza makes one weak.
Another Pizza shop slogan:
Buy our pizza. We knead the dough.
At a tire shop in Milwaukee:
Invite us to your next blowout.
Door of a plastic surgeon's office:
Hello. Can we help pick your nose?
At a towing company:
We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.
On an electrician's truck:
Let us remove your shorts.
On a maternity room door:
Push. Push. Push.
At an optometrist's office:
If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.
On a taxidermist's more...
Unlike Humorless bureaucracies, real people can have fun with:
Real Signs Found In Various Places...
Sign in a maternity clothes store:
' We are open on labor day.'
Sign on the door of the maternity ward:
' Push Push Push.'
Sign in a non-smoking area:
' If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.'
Sign on a front door:
' Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog.'
Sign on fence:
' Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive.'
Sign on an electrician's truck:
' Let Us Remove Your Shorts.'
Sign in a realtor's office:
' Lots for little.'
Sign in a shoe store:
' Come in and have a fit.'
Sign in an optometrist's office:
' If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.'
Sign on a scientist's door:
' Gone fission.'
Sign in a taxidermist's more...
Once there was a little boy called Rohit who lived in the country.
They had to use an outhouse, and Rohit hated it because it was hot in
the summer, cold in the winter and stank all the time. The outhouse was
sitting on the bank of a creek and the boy determined that one day he
would push that outhouse into the river.
One day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen so Rohit decided
today was the day to push the outhouse into the river. So he
got a large stick and started pushing. Finally, the outhouse toppled
into the river and floated away.
That night his dad Kanjibhai told him they were going to the woodshed
after supper. Knowing that meant a spanking, the little boy asked why.
Kanjibhai replied, "someone pushed the outhouse into the river today.
It was you, wasn't it, son?"
Rohit answered yes.
Then he thought a moment and said,
"Dad, I read in school today that Gandhiji chopped down a Pipal tree more...
Every Chad down in Chadville liked voting a lot.
But the Grinch, from North Chadville, most certainly did not!
The Grinch hated voting! He thought it a bore.
Now, please don't ask why. Could be Bush, could be Gore.
It could be his heart bled with liberal mush.
It could be, perhaps, that he listened to Rush.
But I think the real reason his trust was so shattered
Was the great Grinchy view that his vote never mattered.
Whatever the reason, Lack of trust, lack of goals,
The Grinch dreaded that day when Chads went to the polls.
He just hated those speeches and negative ads,
And when push came to shove, he just hated the Chads.
He just hated their theme parks, their football-team rooters,
He just hated their gun laws, their barmaids at Hooters.
He just hated their weather, even hated their hate.
And he hated that they were a battleground state.
"So they're making their choices," he snarled with a more...
At an Optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
On an Electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."
In a Podiatrist's window: "Time wounds all heels."
On Maternity Room door: "Push, Push, Push."
On a Taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff."
On a Butcher's window: "Pleased to meat you."
Outside a Radiator Repair Shop: "Best place in town to take a leak."
At a Car Dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."
Outside a Muffler Shop: "No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming."
Outside a Hotel: "Help! We need inn-experienced people."
A man and his wife are awakened at 3 oclock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger standing in a pouring down rain is asking for a push. Not a chance says the husband - Its three oclock in the morning! He slams the door and returns to bed. Who was it? asks his wife. Just a drunken stranger asking for a push he answers. Did you help him? she asks. NO, I didnt-its three in the morning and its pouring out! Well, youve got a short memory says his wife. Cant you remember about three months ago when we broke down on holiday and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him. The man does as he is told and gets dressed and goes out into the pounding rain and calls out into the dark: Hello, are you still there? Yes, comes the answer. Do you still want a push? calls out the husband. Yes, please! comes the reply from the dark. Where are you? asks the husband. Over here, on the swing the drunk replies.