Pussy Jokes / Recent Jokes

What does a 77-year old pussy taste like ?... well, Depends

There are three bugs in a woman's body. One in the head, stomach, and the pussy. One day they all met in the body somewhere and talked about how their day went. The one in the head and stomach said their day was ok. The bug in the pussy said, "I had the worst day ever. Something pushed me, so I pushed it back. It pushed me again and then I pushed it back. Then it got mad at me and spit on me.

Why is a joke like pussy? Neither's any good if you don't get it.

This lady walks into her psychiatrist one day and says:
"Doctor, I just can't have an orgasm."
"Do you masturbate?", he says.
"No luck". is the reply.
"How about cunnilingus?"
"Nope"
"Kick-start vibrator?"
"Wakes up the neighbors, but not me." she complains.
"Hmm, looks like a problem. Wait here." the doctor says as he walks into the next room.
He walks out with a black velvet case and places it on his lap. Her eyes widen as he opens it, revealing its contents.
"What is it", she gasps.
"It's a VOODOO DICK," he proclaims, as he hoists the foot-long, meaty shaft from the case.
"It is VERY powerful, but it can fulfill your every desire. Watch. VOODOO DICK,
hand!" he commands.
The dick leaps across his lap into his open palm faster than the eye can see.
"Ooooh", she sighs.
"VOODOO DICK, box." The more...

One hot July day we found an old straggly cat at our door. She was a sorry sight. Starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny and hair all matted down. We felt sorry for her and put her in a carrier and took her to the vet. She had no name so we named her Pussycat. The vet decided to keep her for a day or so and said he would let us know when we could come and get her. My husband, [the complainer] said OK, but don't forget to wash her, she stinks. And he reminded the vet that it was his wife that wanted the dirty cat, not him. My husband and my vet don't see eye to eye. He calls my husband El-Cheap-O. My husband calls him El-Take-0. They live to hate each other.
The next day my husband had an appointment with his doctor, which was located next door to the vet. The doctor's office was full of people waiting to see the doctor. A side door opened and in leaned the vet; he had obviously seen my husband arrive.
He looked straight at my husband and in a loud voice said, "Your more...

A guy's driving down a country road when he comes upon a sign Saying "Apples - $5.00 each." He thinks that that is a lot of money so he decides to go see what's up.
He goes up to the farmer and says, "Hey, how come these apples are 5 bucks each?" The farmer replies, "They are peanut butter and jelly apples." The farmer hands him one and says, "Here, try one."
So the man takes a bite out of the apple and says, "Peanut butter - that's great, but I thought you said that they were peanut butter and jelly apples.
" The farmer tells the man to turn it around. The man bites the other side and exclaims "son of a gun - jelly!" The man says, "These apples are great - give me some."
He gets back in his car and drives a little further down the road and then sees another sign "Apples - $10 each." Again, he pulls over, goes to the farmer and says, "Hey, what's up with these apples?"
The more...

Q. There are two fleas on a pussy. One is smoking dope, what's the other one doing?
A. Sniffing crack.