Pussy Jokes / Recent Jokes
Woman: Doctor, my husband tells me my pussy's too big. So I'd like you to tell me if you find it unusual.Doctor: Please, take off your clothes and I'll have you examined.Doctor (shouting): What a giant pussy! What a giant pussy! Woman (angry): Did you have to say it twice?!? Doctor: I didn't! I didn't!
Q. What's the difference between a pay cheque and your dick?
A. You don't have to beg a woman to blow your pay cheque.
Q. How is a woman like a laxative?
A. They both irritate the shit out of you.
Q. Why did God give women nipples.
A. To make suckers out of them.
Q. What's worse than a male chauvinist pig?
A. A woman that won't do what she's told.
Q. What's it called when a woman is paralysed from the waist down?
A. Marriage.
Q. Why are hangovers better than women?
A. Hangovers will go away.
Q. What's a clitoris?
A. A hood ornament.
Q. What's the only bad thing about the 69 position?
A. The view.
Q. Why did God give men penises?
A. So we'd have at least one way to shut a woman up.
Q. What are the small bumps around a woman's' nipples for?
A. Its Braille for "suck here."
Q. Why do most women pay more attention to their more...
This couple were in bed getting busy when the girl places the guys hand onto her pussy. "Put your finger in me..." she asks him. So he does without hesitation, as she starts moaning. "Put two fingers in...", she says. So in goes another one. She's really starting to get worked up when she says, "Put your whole hand in!". The guy's like, "Ok!". So he has his entire hand in, when she says moaning aloud "Put both your hands inside of me!!!". So the guy puts both of his hands in! "Now clap your hands..." commands the girl. "I can't", says the guy. The girl looks at him and says "See, I told you I had a tight pussy!".
The Black Onyx Box
A well dressed gentleman passes a curio shop and sees a beautiful black onyx box in the window. He likes it, so goes in to learn what it costs.
He asks the proprietor how much it is, and the proprietor says "$5,000".
"Wow," the gentleman says, "can I see what is in it that makes it so expensive?"
"Sure," says the proprietor and he opens the black onyx box. Inside is a beautiful realistic looking pussy.
The gentleman pulls his checkbook out when he says, "Hmmm, for $5,000 a pussy should be wet."
The proprietor picks up the black onyx box and flips a lid down on the side, exposing three buttons. He pushes one and instantly the pussy is wet.
The gentlemans mouth waters and takes his pen out but stops and says, "No, for $5,000 a pussy should be warm."
The proprietor pushes the second button, and instantly the pussy is radiating heat. The gentleman can feel the heat and starts to more...
A farmer goes to the patent office to patent a peach, and the patent officer says- "you can't patent a peach, the peach has already been patented!"And the farmer says, "Oh no. Not THIS kind of peach. Go ahead, try it!" So the patent officer takes a bite, and then- "oh, wow! This is so good! It tastes like- blackberry pie!"And the farmer says "Yeah, and Do you like vanilla ice cream? Well then you gotta flip it over & try the other side".So the patent officer does and he's like-"Man! that really does taste like vanilla ice cream! I can't believe it!"So then the farmer looks around a bit and lowers his voice almost to a whisper, and says: "Psst! Have you ever tasted pussy?" "Oh yeah, I've eaten plenty of pussy!" "And you like it, right?" "Yeah I LOVE the taste of pussy" says the patent officer, starting to get excited.The farmer says, "OK, then take a bite, right there" So the patent more...
In a nursing home, there is this old woman named Gladys who likes to walk around and flash people. She walks up to a nun, opens her robe and yells "Super Pussy!" The nun says, "Gladys, you know you're not supposed to do that. Now go back to your room. Gladys starts walking back and sees the minister. She walks up to him, opens her robe and yells "Super Pussy!" The minister is shocked and tells her to go back to her room. As she continues, she sees an old man lying on the bed. She walks in, flashes him, and yells "Super Pussy!" The man slowly turns his head and says, "Thanks, I think I'll have the soup."
Q. What is the difference between driving in the fog and eating pussy?
A. When you're driving in the fog, you can't see the asshole ahead of you.