Quality Jokes / Recent Jokes

Bullshit Bingo

Do you keep falling asleep in meetings and seminars? What about those long and boring conference calls? Here is a way to change all of that!

How to play: Check off each block when you hear these words during a meeting, seminar, or phone call. When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally, stand up and shout, "BULLSHIT!!!"

Synergy
Strategic Fit
Gap Analysis
Best Practice
Bottom Line

Revisit
Bandwidth
Hardball
Out of the Loop
Benchmark

Value-Added
Proactive
Win-Win
Think Outside the Box
Fast Track

Result-Driven
Empower [or] Empowerment
Knowledge Base
Total Quality [or] Quality Driven
Touch Base

Mindset
Client Focus[ed]
Ball Park
Game Plan
Leverage

Testimonials from satisfied players:

"I had only been in the meeting for five minutes whenI more...

How to make a fruitcake!:
---------------------------------
1 C water
1 C sugar
4 large eggs
2 C dried fruit
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. salt
1 C brown sugar
Lemon juice
Nuts
1 FULL bottle of your favorite whiskey

Directions:
--------------------
1. Sample the whiskey to check for quality.
2. Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey again to be sure that it is of the highest quality.
3. Pour one level cup and drink. Repeat.
4. Turn on the electric mixer; beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
5. Add one tsp. sugar and beat again.
6. Be sure the whiskey is still okay. Cry another tup.
7. Turn off the mixer.
8. Break two legs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
9. Mix on the turner.
10. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.
11. Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity.
12. Next, sift two more...

You'll need the following: a cup of water, a cup of sugar, four large eggs, two cups of dried fruit, a teaspoon of baking soda, a teaspoon of salt, a cup of brown sugar, lemon juice, nuts, and a bottle of whisky.
Sample the whisky to check for quality.
Take a large bowl. Check the whisky again. To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.
Make sure the whisky is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer. Break two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the whisky to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whisky. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find.
Grease the more...

You'll need the following: a cup of water, a cup of sugar, four large eggs, two cups of dried fruit, a teaspoon of baking soda, a teaspoon of salt, a cup of brown sugar, lemon juice, nuts, and a bottle of whisky.Sample the whisky to check for quality.Take a large bowl. Check the whisky again. To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.Make sure the whisky is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer. Break two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a drewscriver.Sample the whisky to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whisky. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find.Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to more...

Here's my favourite recipe for fruit cake.
You'll need the following: a cup of water, a cup of sugar, four large eggs, two cups of dried fruit, a teaspoon of baking soda, a teaspoon of salt, a cup of brown sugar, lemon juice, nuts, and a bottle of whisky.
Sample the whisky to check for quality.
Take a large bowl. Check the whisky again. To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.
Make sure the whisky is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer. Break two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the whisky to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whisky. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or more...

Saddam HUSSEIN of Iraq wanted a special postage stamp issued, with his picture on it. He so instructed his Postmaster General, stressing that it should be of international quality.The stamps were duly released of the stamp, he began hearingcomplaints that the stamp was not sticking properly, and becomefurious. He called the chief of the Secret Service and orderedhim to investigate the matter.The chief checked the matter out at several post offices, andthen reported on the problem to him.He said:" Sir, the stamp is really of international quality.The problem is, our citizens are spitting on the wrong side!"

...if you think God's presence is always strongest in the back three pews.
...if you think John the Baptist founded the Southern Baptist Convention.. ..if you think "Amazing Grace" is the national anthem.. ..if the first complete sentence you uttered was "We've never done it this way before.". ..if you judge the quality of the sermon by the amount of sweat worked up by the preacher.. ..if your definition of "fellowship" has something to do with food.. ..if you ever wonder when Lottie Moon and Annie Armstrong will be paid off.. ..if you honestly believe the Apostle Paul spoke King James English. ..if you think worship service music has to be loud.. ..if you think Jesus actually used Welch's grape juice and saltine crackers.. ..if you think preachers who wear robes are in Cahoots with the communists.. ..if you judge the quality of a service by the length of the service. And finally, if you ever wake up in the middle of the night craving fried chicken more...