Quit Jokes / Recent Jokes
Back in the days of dial-up, I once was spending an inordinate amount of time online when my mother wanted me to untie the phone line.
"Get up offa that thing," she barked.
"And dance til you feel better," was my reply. She wasn't amused.
Farewell, Godfather. You taught us the only real way to live. Hit it and quit it, baby. Hit it and quit it.
A young couple had been married for a couple of weeks, but the man was always after his wife to quit smoking.
One afternoon, she lit up after some love making, and he said, "You really ought to quit."
She, getting tired of his nagging, said, "I really enjoy a good cigarette after sex."
He replied, "But they stunt your growth."
She asked if he ever smoked, and he replied that he never had.
Smiling and lifting her gaze to his groin, she said, "So, what's your excuse?"
I've tried all different tactics to quit smoking. I used to smoke about 2 packs a day. I would smoke when I first I got up..before breakfast...on the john...after meals...after sex... I always smoked when I was out drinking because the two went hand in hand. First I tried drinking without smoking...quit cold turkey..lasted for about 1 day. Next I tried smoking without drinking...quit Wild Turkey...lasted about 1 day too. Now I'm trying to only smoke when I drink which isn't working too well either to be honest. I'm doing shots first thing in the morning..before breakfast...on the john...after meals...after sex...
Business Rules to Live ByIf you can't get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights. A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt. Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've done and what you're going to do. After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get. You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard. Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day. When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves. If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it. There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office. Keep your boss's boss off more...
When do burgers quit their jobs? The day they decide to meat LOAF!
Q: Why did the blond quit his restroom attendant job?
A: He couldn't figure out how to refill the hand dryer!
My Uncle finally quit smoking. It was a beautiful service.