Quoted Jokes

A man with a wooden leg wanted to buy fire insurance for his leg. The first actuary quoted an annual premium of $500, estimating that the leg would burn once in 20 years and the value of the leg is $10, 000.

The second actuary quoted an annual premium of $50. When the second actuary was asked how he arrived at such a small figure,

he replied, "I have this situation in the fire schedule rating table. The object is a wooden structure with an upper sprinkler, isn't it?"

After learning that Kim Jong-il had ordered and completed a test of North Korea’s nuclear weapons, Assistant Secretary of State, Christopher Hill was quoted as saying, “He’s really going to rue the day he made this decision.” After that, Hill was also quoted as saying, “Rats! Foiled again!” and “Jinkies!”


It’s possible that our friends in the State Department watch a bit too much Rocky and Bullwinkle.

A little old lady came home from shopping and found a robber in her kitchen.
Scared and not knowing what to do, she raised her hand and quoted the Scripture "Acts 2:38." The robber froze in his tracks, so she called the police. When the policeman came, he saw this robber standing perfectly still and wondered what the lady had done. He asked her, and she replied, "I just quoted some Scripture." The policeman turned to the robber and said, "Why did that Scripture make you act this way?" The robber replied, "Scripture, what Scripture? I thought she said she had an axe and two 38s."

Mel Gibson is on board with Venod Sekhar to find an environmentally safe way to recycle old tires. Sekhar is one of Malaysia's wealthiest men, and Gibson is best known for his work insulting women, police and jews.
Sekhar was quoted as saying, "We don't have any jews in Malaysia, so it's no big deal."
Gibson was quoted as saying "Burning tires is bad for the environment. Burning jews however..."