Rabbi Jokes / Recent Jokes

On a busy day, on a busy corner, there is a big accident in which there is a victim. The man who has been injured request for a priest.
The police officer on the scene turns around and ask if there is a priest in the crowd. Nobody answers. The man still cryes out "A priest, a priest please".
The officer once again turns around and ask if there is a priest in the crowd. Suddenly, an old jewish rabby comes up and say "Officer, I'm a old 70 years old Rabbi, but I've lived for 20 years behind St. Patrick church. Every night I hear them in their prayers. Maybe I can help."
So the officer bring the Rabbi to the dying man. The Rabbi kneels down and addresses these following words to the dying man:
"B1-I18-N44-G56-O75"

A Catholic priest, a Protestant minister, and a Jewish rabbi were discussing when life begins.
" Life begins," said the priest, " at the moment of fertilization. That is when God instills the spark of life into the fetus."
" We believe," said the minister, " that life begins at birth, because that is when the baby becomes an individual and is capable of making its own decisions and must learn about sin."
" You're both wrong," said the rabbi. " Life begins when the children have graduated from college and moved out of the house."

In a village a long time ago there lived a people called Nids, they were midgets. Every day the Nids went into the fields to farm. But every day a giant would wander though the fields kicking the Nids. So, one day the Nids finally got fed up and went to the town Rabbi for advice. The Rabbi said not to worry and that he'd handle it.

So, one day the Rabbi went into the fields dressed as a Nid. Eventually, the giant showed up for his usual routine of kicking the Nids. But when the giant reached the Rabbi he just stepped over him and continued along his way. The Rabbi wondered about this and chased after the giant and yelled, "Hey! I'm a Nid! Why didn't you kick me?" The giant simply replied, "Silly Rabbi! Kicks are for Nids!"

On a busy day, on a busy corner, there is a big accident in which there is a victim. The man who has been injured request for a priest.The police officer on the scene turns around and ask if there is a priest in the crowd. Nobody answers. The man still cryes out "A priest, a priest please".The officer once again turns around and ask if there is a priest in the crowd. Suddenly, an old jewish rabby comes up and say "Officer, I'm a old 70 years old Rabbi, but I've lived for 20 years behind St. Patrick church. Every night I hear them in their prayers. Maybe I can help."So the officer bring the Rabbi to the dying man. The Rabbi kneels down and addresses these following words to the dying man:"B1-I18-N44-G56-O75"

Morris goes to the rabbi and says, "I committed a sin and I want to know what I can do to repent.""What was the sin?" the rabbi asked."It happened just once," Morris assures him. "I didn't wash my hands and recite the blessing before eating bread.""Nu, if it really only happened once," the rabbi said, "that's not so terrible. Nonetheless, why did you neglect to wash your hands and recite the blessing?""I felt awkward Rabbi," said Morris. "You see, I was in an un-kosher restaurant."The rabbi's eyebrows arch. "And why were you eating in an un-kosher restaurant?""I had no choice," Morris said. "All the kosher restaurants were closed.""And why were all the kosher restaurants closed?" the rabbi asked.Morris replied, "It was Yom Kippur."

A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car. So they did. They drove it home and parked it in the street between their establishments. A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out and saw the priest sprinkling water on their new car. It didn't need a wash, so he ran out and asked the priest what he was doing. "I'm blessing it" the priest replied. The rabbi replied "Oh," then he ran back into the synagogue. He reappeared a few minutes later with a hack saw, ran to the car and cut off the last 2 inches of the tailpipe.

Two fathers and a rabbi decided to go swimming in a local lake one HOT day. So, they stripped and went swimming. As they were getting out, some ladies were strolling by the lake. One father yelled, "Cover your privates!" So both fathers covered that area, but the rabbi covered his face. Later, the other father asked, "Why did you cover your face?" The rabbi answered, "I don't know for you two, but it'd be my face they'd recognise."