Rachel Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was a girl named Rachel. She had a cat named Love.
One day, Rachel was taking a shower.
When she got out, she yelled for her cat, Love, but saw that the cat had escaped.
She was still in her towel but she walked outside anyways.
A cop pulled around the corner and said, "Excuse me, Miss. What are you doing out here?"
Rachel replied, "Looking for Love!!!"

Doctor Moshe Rabinowicz and his wife Rachel are having a terrible fight at the breakfast table. He gets up in a rage and walks out yelling, "and you are not any good in bed either" as he storms out of the house.
After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends. He calls Rachel and after at least a dozen rings she answers the phone. Again irritated Moshe says "what took you so long to answer the phone"?
She says, "I was in bed".
"In bed this late in the day, doing what"?
"I was getting a second opinion" she replied.

I have had a long crappy Sunday.
The last thing I need to when I come home is Rachel Ray's annoying face
telling me how to make pan-seered scallops.
Let me guess, is it the Applebee's Recipe or Chili's?















Doesn't she remind you of Sally Struther's, except with out a cause?

She better get back in the kitchen before Oprah whips her ass with a belt.

Bernie had a fight with Rachel, his wife, and went to the movies to cool off. Later that evening, he decided to phone home to see what the situation was and maybe even apologize."Hello, darling," he said, "what are you making for dinner?""What am I making for dinner? After all the horrible things you said to me earlier, you want to know what I am making for dinner? Poison, that's what I'm making, poison."Bernie replies, "Okay then, just make one portion, I'm not coming home."

Post-wedding conversation
Rachel was talking to her best friend Sadie. Rachel asked, “So, Sadie, how’s the bride?”
Sadie replied, “To tell you the truth, Rachel, not good. She’s so unhappy, she’s lost two stone already.”
Rachel then asked, “So why doesn’t she leave him?”
Sadie replied “Because she wants to lose two and a half stone!”