Rachel Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Value of Children
Rachel and Esther meet for the first time in fifty years since high school.
Rachel begins to tell Esther about her children. "My son is a doctor and he`s got four kids. My daughter is married to a lawyer and they have three great kids. So tell me Esther, how about your kids?"
Esther replies, "Unfortunately, Morty and I don`t have any children and so we have no grandchildren either."
Rachel says, "No children?. .. and no grandkids? So tell me, Esther, what do you do for aggravation?"

As part of the deal with Tiger Woods, Rachel Uchitel will be required to change her surname.

I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building... I changed my mind at the last minute, so I just flipped over and landed on my feet. Two little kittens nearby saw what happened and one turned to the other and said, "See, that's how it's done."

I was going to commit suicide the other day, but I must not have been serious because I brought a beach towel.

I got into an elevator at work and this man followed in after me... I pushed "1" and he just stood there... I said, "Hi, where you going?" He said, "Phoenix." So I pushed Phoenix. A few seconds later the doors opened, two tumbleweeds blew in... We were in downtown Phoenix. I looked at him and said, "You know, you're the kind of guy I want to hang around with." We got into his car and drove out to his shack in the desert. Then the phone rang. He said, "You get it." I picked it up and said, "Hello?"... The other side said, "Is this more...

Rachel and Esther meet for the first time in fifty years since university.
Rachel begins to tell Esther about her children. "My son is a doctor and he's got four kids. My daughter is married to a lawyer and they have three great kids. So tell me Esther, how about your kids?"
Esther replies, "Unfortunately, Morty and I don't have any children and so we have no grandchildren either."
Rachel says, "No children?... and no grand kids? So tell me, Esther, what do you do for aggravation?"