Ranil Jokes / Recent Jokes
Saddam Hussain visits God and asks him: "God when shall I see the defeat of Bill Clinton."
God replies: "Son, you will not see it in your lifetime." Hearing this, Saddam Hussain starts crying and goes away.
Gen Parvez Musharaff visits God and asks him: "God when shall I see the capture of Kashmir by Pakistan."
God replies: "Son, you will not see it in your lifetime." Hearing this, Gen Parvez Musharaff starts crying and goes away.
Ranil W. visits God and asks him: "God when will I become the President in Sri Lanka." Hearing this, God starts crying.
Ranil W. is astounded and asks: "God why are you crying?" God replies: "Son, I will not see it in my lifetime."
Anglican Arch Bishop Kenneth Fernando lay dying in the Jayawardanapura hospital. For years he had faithfully served, blessed and advised the majority of Sri Lanka's "Buddhist" political leaders.
He motioned for his nurse to come near.
"Yes, Father?" said the nurse.
"I would really like to see Chandrika and Ranil before I die."
whispered the priest.
"I'll see what I can do, Father" replied the nurse.
The nurse telephoned the two people.
Chandrika and Ranil were delighted to visit the priest, as usual.
As they rushed to the hospital, Chandrika commented to Ranil:
"I don't know why uncle Kenneth wants to see us at his deathbed, but it will certainly help our images." Ranil couldn't help but agree.
When they arrived at the priest's room, the priest took Chandrika's hand in his right hand and Ranil's hand in his left. There was silence and a look of rare serenity on the old man's more...
Some of the possible headlines for Daily News proposed by the govt media unit for the day following after the Katunayaka airport attack.
1. UNP agents and thugs attack and destroy the airport.
2. Ranil suspected of transporting Terrorists to the airport.
3. President's bravery saves the airport from complete disaster.
4. President parised by the masses for her bravery.
5. General Anuruddha promoted to Field Marshal after fighting alongside Army Commandos and saving lives at the airport.
6. SriLankan airlines aircraft suffer minor damage from small arms fire.
7. PA uncovers plot to assassinate President after Ranil along with UNP agents steal MI-24 Helicopter gunship!!
8. Airforce plane suffer minor damage from the morning blast.
Ranil goes to the newspaper vendor every morning, reads the front page headline and returns the paper. When this continued for several days the vendor asked Ranil, "Sir, everyday you read only the headline and return the paper. Are you looking for some special news?"
"Yes, I'm looking for an obituary notice"
"But Sir, obituary notices are on page 11"
No, this fellow whom I want dead will make the headlines if he dies"
Yuo folks!
The election fever is now at its zenith but I am still not sure whether you have decided whom to vote. Hope this brief guide will help you?.
The top ten perfectly logical reasons to vote for UNP?
1. Your grand farther had voted for UNP, your father had voted for UNP and now you want to continue the family tradition.
2. It is the lesser of the two evils. (Justification: "Bheeshanaya tikak thibuna thamai, eth api meeta vada hondata kala endala hitiyane!" Though it was a bit terror regime, we were better off then.)
3. You are an automobile tire merchant and you are certain your business will prosper under a UNP regime.
4. You are an under world Goonda and you have a feeling that your skills and talents will be exploited in a more productive manner if UNP comes to power.
5. Your wife (husband) is an ardent fan of Chandrika and you know in this darned country no self-respecting man (woman) admits sharing the same political ideology more...