Rare Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: What is the difference between medium and rare? A: 6 inches is medium, 8 inches is rare.
Two Scotsmen had been pals since childhood and had shared everything over the years.
One day, Angus won a rare bottle of Scotch in a door prize.
Immediately, Jock says “Open it up and we’ll have a dram. ”
“Naw, ah’m goin’ tae save it for a special occasion. ”
Birthdays came and went, his anniversaries came and went, but Jock could never get Angus to open the bottle.
Finally Angus had a heart attack, and was laying on his deathbed.
He motioned for his old friend to come closer.
“Jock, remember that rare bottle of Scotch I won? ”
“Aye, ah certainly do, Angus! ”
“Weell, ah like ye tae do me a favor Jock, my dear friend. ”
“Aye, anything ye ask Angus. ”
“When ah’m dead, wid ye take that bottle an’ open it up–”
“Aye, Angus, then what? ”
“Wid ye pour it over ma grave? ”
“Pour it over yer grave? My god Angus. It’s 40 year old Scotch! But I’ll do it for ye. more...
An American tourist goes on a trip to China. While there he's quite sexually
promiscuous and takes no precautions. A week after arriving back home in the
States, he awakes one morning to find his privates covered with bright green
and purple spots. Horrified, he immediately goes to see his doctor. The
doctor has never seen anything like it and orders tests. He tells the man to
return in two days for the results. The man returns a couple of days later
and the doctor says, "I've got bad news for you. You've contracted what's
known as Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of in the States.
We know very little about it." The man looks a little relieved and says,
"Well, okay, give me a shot or something and fix me up, Doc." The doctor
answers, "I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate
your penis."
The man screams in horror, "Oh no! I want a second opinion!". The more...
A man noticed a growth coming out of the center of his forehead so he consults with a specialist. After examining him, the specialist tells him that he has a rare genetic disorder, what's happening is that a penis is growing out of his forehead.
The specialist further explains that while his life is not in danger, it is inoperable due to its extensive root system. He suggests he wears a hat and reminds him that it could be much worse.
"What, how can you say that!" the man shrieks. "Whenever I comb my hair or shave, I'm going to see a dick sticking out of my forehead. Have you any idea what that is going to do to my ego?"
"You won't see anything because your balls are going to be in your eyes," the doctor says.
Two Scotsmen had been pals since childhood and had shared everything over the years. One day, Angus won a rare bottle of Scotch in a door prize.
Immediately, Jock says "Open it up and we'll have a dram."
"Naw, ah'm goin' tae save it for a special occasion."
Birthdays came and went, his anniversaries came and went, but Jock could never get Angus to open the bottle.
Finally Angus had a heart attack, and was laying on his deathbed. He motioned for his old friend to come closer. "Jock, remember that rare bottle of Scotch I won?"
"Aye, ah certainly do, Angus!"
"Weell, ah like ye tae do me a favor Jock, my dear friend."
"Aye, anything ye ask Angus."
"When ah'm dead, wid ye take that bottle an' open it up--"
"Aye, Angus, then what?"
"Wid ye pour it over ma grave?"
"Pour it over yer grave? My god Angus. It's 40 year old Scotch! But I'll do it more...
Calls For Tragic Death Of Streisand
With sales of Princess Di memorabilia falling off sharply after a record
1997, collectible-plate-industry leaders Monday called for the tragic
death of beloved entertainer Barbra Streisand.
"For the 1998 Christmas season to be anywhere near as successful as last
year's, we need a heartbreaking, untimely end to a wonderful life that we
can commemorate with a series of limited-edition collector's plates," said
Franklin Mint president Jim Campion, who joined representatives from the
Bradford Exchange and Danbury Mint in a unified call for Streisand's
tragic demise. "The death of Barbra Streisand, with her upscale, intensely
devoted following, would be ideal."
Economists say the unexpected death of a star of Streisand's magnitude
would translate to a 70 percent sales boost for the $1 billion
collectible-plate industry.
"A Streisand death would probably outsell all other more...
The official list of types of pussy found throughout the land.
1. Expensive pussy: Most pussy falls into this definition. Expensive pussy can be recognized by the following - fur coats, $500 dresses, spandex, bright colored shorts, and shirts with greek letters on them. 98% of the pussy found on the USC campus falls into this category.
Advantages: If you can afford it, it will be great.
Disadvantages: Many, mostly in the form of checking account depletion. Often not worth it.
2. Cheap pussy: Very rare. Usually comes in the form of a girlfriend of yours who will not go away no matter what you do. Cheap pussy can be recognized by the following - she will often pay for dinner, understands when you are broke, calls every day, wants it constantly, easily hurt, but shakes it off.
Advantages: Inexpensive, guaranteed, loving, will try anything once and sometimes twice. You're lucky if you find this.
Disadvantages: Won't go away, possessive, bugs you all the time, can more...