Record Jokes / Recent Jokes

Enlightenment Quiz1. Yin and... A) Yout B) Tonic C) Yenta D) Yang2. A Zen koan is... > A) A Jewish Buddhist B) All of the above C) None of the above D) None of the above3. Just before total God-realization I would see... > A) A blue pearl B) Nothing C) Everything D) How would I know? 4. Lao-Tsu is... A) Shrimp with fried rice B) The Atman Brothers C) A Japanese word for sneeze D) Someone you should know about5) Jivatman and Atman merge to become... A) Jivatmanatman B) The Atman Brothers C) Jivatman & Atman Inc. D) Mr. & Mrs. Atman6) The word or words which best describes the relationship of God, Guru, and Self is:- A) Oneness B) Twoness C) Penpalness D) Just good friends7) Which of the following is not a name of the Lord?> A) Jehova B) Elohim C) Yahweh D) Charlton Heston8) If you swap a Swami with a Yogi you get... A) A Swogi B) A Salami C) Yogurt D) Heartburn9) Carlos Castaneda is: A) A flamenco dancer B) A resort near San Juan C) A mystery D) The guitarist for Santana10) Om Mani more...

Six Bad Days

1. The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80, 000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, they were both eaten by a killer whale.


2. A psychology student in New York rented out her spare room to a carpenter in order to nag him constantly and study his reactions. After weeks of needling, he snapped and beat her repeatedly with an axe leaving her mentally retarded.


3. In 1992, Frank Perkins of Los Angeles made an attempt on the world flagpole-sitting record. Suffering from the flu he came down eight hours short of the 400-day record, his sponsor had gone bust, his girlfriend had left him and his phone and electricity had been cut off.


4. A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking frantically with what looked like a more...

I bought a self-learning record to learn Spanish. I turned it on and went to sleep; the record got stuck. The next day I could only stutter in Spanish.

A woman meant to call a record store but dialed the wrong number and got a private home instead. "Do you have' Eyes of Blue' and' A Love Supreme'?" she asked. "Well, no," answered the puzzled homeowner. "But I have a wife and eleven children." "Is that a record?" she inquired. "I don't think so," replied the man, "but it's as close as I want to get."

Enlightenment Quiz1. Yin and. ........ A) Yout B) Tonic C) Yenta D) Yang2. A Zen koan is. .......> A) A Jewish Buddhist B) All of the above C) None of the above D) None of the above3. Just before total God-realization I would see.......> A) A blue pearl B) Nothing C) Everything D) How would I know? 4. Lao-Tsu is....... A) Shrimp with fried rice B) The Atman Brothers C) A Japanese word for sneeze D) Someone you should know about5) Jivatman and Atman merge to become....... A) Jivatmanatman B) The Atman Brothers C) Jivatman & Atman Inc. D) Mr. & Mrs. Atman6) The word or words which best describes the relationship of God, Guru, and Self is:- A) Oneness B) Twoness C) Penpalness D) Just good friends7) Which of the following is not a name of the Lord?> A) Jehova B) Elohim C) Yahweh D) Charlton Heston8) If you swap a Swami with a Yogi you get....... A) A Swogi B) A Salami C) Yogurt D) Heartburn9) Carlos Castaneda is: A) A flamenco dancer B) A resort near San Juan C) A mystery D) The guitarist more...

ENJOY your journey while it lasts.
An announcement in Punjab Airways:
_______________________________________________________
"Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your very handsome
captain Banta Singh welcoming you to Punjab Airways. Sorry we are
four days late in taking off but I had to do some overtime at the
bakery.
This is the one two six flight to New Delhi. We cannot
guarantee that we will end up in Delhi but rest assured it will be somewhere in
the East. And if you are very lucky we may even be landing on your
village! A real Punjabi will land where he wants to, isn't that right
brothers!
Today we have 12 passengers on the plane - which is a bit of a
problem because we only have 5 seats! Hmmm. For safety reasons we will be
counting all the passengers again during and after the flight. We
have a very good record for safety. In fact We are so safe even the
terrorists are afraid to fly more...

My fellow Armenians,
As I stand here today, looking out over this magnificent viagra, I
think we can agree that the past is over. Our country is ready for a
fresh, bipolar approach.
I want to bring America together. We are the hill shining on a city,
and each of us can get to the top if we set our feet to it Americans
have made their decision. They don't need sympathy; they need
ablutions. We need to move beyond the petty armadilloes.
Politics doesn't have to be the way it is today. We can make the pie
higher. A high pie lets everyone put food on their family and their
family on the table.
That's my record: I side with the people. And the B-side of my record
is Billy-Joe Gibbs and the Shoeshine Boys singing "Streets in Laredo".
(Music break)
A president has to think not only of himself and his family and his
baseball team's families, but of all American families. I don't
believe a president should be choosing more...