Refers Jokes / Recent Jokes

When an argument starts. .. he calls for backup. Refers to the bedroom as "The Pokey." Calls passing gas the "silent alarm." Has a secret desire to see you in a Kevlar nightie. Lots of references to the "old night stick." Never hear him say "Oh man. .. not donuts again!" Refers to his winkie as the "Breathalyzer" Stops you during lovemaking to ask if you know how fast you were going. Handcuffs don't turn him on anymore.
and the number one sign you are married to a cop. ..
Yes, that *is* a gun in his pocket!!!

After being married for a few years, a man finds that he is no longer able to perform. He goes to his doctor who suggests a few things for him to try, but nothing works. Finally, the doctor tells him it's all in his mind and refers him to a psychiatrist.
After a few visits to the psychiatrist, the shrink confesses, "I'm at a total loss as to how you can possibly be cured," and refers him to a witch doctor.
The witch doctor tells him, "Certainly, I can cure this," and throws some powder on a flame. Suddenly there is a flash of billowing blue smoke. "This is very powerful healing," says the witch doctor, "but I must warn you, you will only be able to use it once a year. All you must do is say '1-2-3' and it shall rise for as long as you wish."
"What happens when it's over?" he asks the witch doctor.
"Then, all you must do is say '1-2-3-4' and it will go down. Do be warned though, it will not work again for another more...

Your shuttlecraft has been up on blocks for over a month. He paints flames and a NRA sticker on the warp nacelles. You have a shuttle called "Billy Joe Bob". He refers to Klingons as "Critters". He refers to Photon Torpedoes as "Popguns". He has the sensor array repaired with a bent coathanger and aluminum foil. He installs a set of bullhorns on the front of the saucer section. He says "Got your ears on, good buddy" instead of "open hailing frequencies". He hangs fuzzy dice over the viewscreen. He rewires his communicator into his belt buckle. He keeps a six-pack under his command chair and a gun rack above it. He says "Yee-Ha!" instead of "Engage". He has a hand-tooled holster for his phaser. He insists on calling his executive officer "Bubba". He sets the fore viewscreen to reruns of "Bassmaster". He programs the food replicator for beer, ribs, and turnip greens. He paints the starship John more...

- When an argument starts, he calls for backup.
- Refers to the bedroom as "The Pokey."
- Calls passing gas the "silent alarm."
- Has a secret desire to see you in a Kevlar nightie.
- Lots of references to the "old night stick."
- Never hear him say, "Oh man, not donuts again!"
- Refers to his pecker as the "Breathalyzer"
- Stops you during lovemaking to ask if you know how fast you were going.
- Handcuffs don't turn him on anymore.
- Yes, that is a gun in his pocket!

Your Starship Captain just might be a redneck if...
your shuttlecraft has been up on blocks for over a month
he paints flames and a NRA sticker on the warp nacelles
you have a shuttle called "Billy Joe Bob"
he refers to Klingons as "Critters"
he refers to Photon Torpedoes as "Popguns"
he has the sensor array repaired with a bent coathanger and aluminum foil
he installs a set of bullhorns on the front of the saucer section
he says, "Got your ears on, good buddy" instead of "open hailing frequencies"
he hangs fuzzy dice over the viewscreen
he rewires his communicator into his belt buckle
he keeps a six-pack under his command chair and a gun rack above it
he says, "Yee-Ha!" instead of "Engage"
he has a hand-tooled holster for his phaser
he insists on calling his executive officer "Bubba"
he sets the fore viewscreen to reruns of more...

After a few years of married life, this guy finds that he is unable to perform anymore. He goes to his doctor, and his doctor tries a few things but nothing works.

Finally the doctor says to him' this is all in your mind', and refers him to a psychiatrist. After a few visits to the shrink, the shrink confess,' I am at a loss as to how you could possibly be cured.'

Finally the psychiatrist refers him to witch doctor.

The witch doctor tells, ' I can cure this', and throws some powder on a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke. ....... The witch doctor says' This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year! All you have to do is say' 123' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!'

The guy then asks the witch doctor' What happens when it's over?'

The witch doctor says' all you have to say is' 1234' and it will go down. But be warned it will not work again for a year!'

The guy goes home and that more...

Your Captain Might Be A Redneck If... Your shuttlecraft has been up on blocks for over a monthHe paints flames and a NRA sticker on the warp nacellesYou have a shuttle called "Billy Joe Bob"He refers to Klingons as "Critters"He refers to Photon Torpedoes as "Popguns"He has the sensor array repaired with a bent coathanger and aluminum foilThere is a stuffed possum in the Ready RoomHe installs a set of bullhorns on the front of the saucer sectionHe says "Got your ears on, good buddy" instead of "open hailing frequencies"He resigned his command because he always wanted to own a fireworks standHe hangs fuzzy dice over the viewscreenHe rewires his communicator into his belt buckleHe replicates items from the Graceland gift shopThe primary colour of the Starship is "bondo"He keeps a six-pack under his command chair and a gun rack above itHe says "Yee-Ha!" instead of "E"gage"He can't wait to go off-duty, so more...