Reform Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three Reform Rabbis were in a terrible auto wreck. None survived. One minute they were driving along the highway, talking and laughing and joking, and the next, BOOM! they were before the Creator of all. Shaking his head, The Omnipotent One looks at the three."Reform I can understand. But where will it end? You! Goldblum! The ashtrays in your temple so My people could smoke while the Torah was being read?"Goldblum shuddered.God went on, "I can live with that. Men are weak, but the Word is strong!"Goldblum sighed with relief."Bauman! Really, I can accept My people need to eat. But really, serving Ham & Cheese Sandwiches to the devout at the temple during Yom Kippur?"Bauman hung his head in shame."Even that I can allow to pass, even with the eating of that which is not Kosher. I'm not pleased at all with the playing fast and loose with my people, but I can accept these indiscretions."Bauman also heaved a sigh of relief.Finally, He turns to the more...

A few years ago, when the Catholic church reform began to be muchin the news, Mrs. Moskowitz said to Mrs. Finkelstein, "Tell me, Becky, have you heard by chance what's going on in Rome?""No," said Mrs Finkelstein. "I haven't. What's going on in Rome?""A meeting of high Catholic churchmen has, among other things, decided that the Jews are not responsible for the crucifixion ofJesus."Mrs Finkelstein raised her eyebrows. "Indeed? And who is responsible, then?""I'm not sure," said Mrs. Moskowitz. "I think they suspect the Puerto Ricans."

Traditional: Farm animal must be killed by ritual slaughterer using a sharply honed knife that must not have a single nick on its blade.
Reform: Farm animal must be told that it has the right to an attorney.
Traditional: Will not combine meat with milk.
Reform: Will not combine meat with chocolate milk.
Traditional: One set of dishes for meat, another set for dairy.
Reform: One set of dishes exclusively for cheeseburgers.
Traditional: Hire "shabbos goy" to perform religiously prohibited tasks.
Reform: Hire "Orthodox Jew" to perform religiously required tasks.
Traditional: Try to concentrate on prayers, achieve sense of being in the presence of the divine.
Reform: Try to figure out when to stand up, when to sit down, and what page everyone is on.
Traditional: Women required to sit in synagogue balcony, apart from men.
Reform: Women and men sit together, davening suggestively.
Traditional: Strong disapproval of women more...

Congress says Obama can have health care reform. But there will be a $1 trillion co-pay.

I wrote these for our campus humor paper before Christmas break. Some are
UCSD specific, like our new rule banning "fighting words." Some were written
before Romania revolted. And some might be offensive. Bearing that in
mind...
The first arrest under the new "fighting words" policy was made. A
reggae group performing in the Price Center was arrested after singing a song
calling for the end to apartheid in South Africa and whipping up student
fervor. A spokesperson for the police said that the Regents could not tolerate
anyone claiming the world wasn't as kind and gentle as President Bush had
officially declared it was.
The federal government completed the phasing out of lobbying in Congress,
calling it a serious breach of democracy and not in the best interests of the
nation. It will be replaced by a series of public auctions where both
senators' and representatives' votes will be sold to the highest more...

This joke's about the Jewish orthodox, conservative and reform movements. You have to know a bit about them in order to fully appreciate it.
How do you tell if you're at an orthodox, conservative or reform wedding??
At the orthodox wedding, the bride's mother is pregnant.
At the conservative wedding, the bride is pregnant.
At the reform wedding, the rabbi is pregnant.

An Orthodox Jewish couple are wondering what to get their son for his upcoming Barmitzvah. So when he gets home, they ask him:
"So, David, what would you like for your Barmitzvah?"
He replied, "I would love a motorbike!"
When David had left the room the Jewish couple talked about this amongst themselves. They had no idea what a motorbike was! So, they went down to their synagogue and told the Orthodox Rabbi that their son wanted a motorbike for his Barmitzvah but they didn't know what it was.
"I have no idea!" he said to the couple's surprise. "You'll have to ask the Reform Rabbi down the road."
So the couple walked down the road and asked the same question to the Reform Rabbi. But his reply was the same as the Orthodox Rabbi:
"I don't know! You'll have to ask the ultra-mega Reform Rabbi further down the road."
So, the couple walked further down the road and found the ultra-mega Reform synagogue. They walked more...