Regular Jokes / Recent Jokes

Your Clothes -1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy. -2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible. -3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes. The Baby's Name -1st baby: You pore over baby-name books and practice pronouncing and writing combinations of all your favorites. -2nd baby: Someone has to name his or her kid after your great-aunt Mavis, right? It might as well be you. -3rd baby: You open a name book, close your eyes, and see where your finger points. Preparing for the Birth -1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously. -2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing. -3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month. The Layette -1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau. -2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard more...

Being a parent changes everything. But being a parent also changes with each baby. Here are some of the ways having a second and third child is different from having your first.Your Clothes1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.---------------Preparing for the Birth1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.2nd baby: You don`t bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn`t do a thing.3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.---------------The Layette1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn`s clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby`s little bureau.2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can`t they?---------------Worries1st baby: At the first sign of more...

As we all can rememer the black days in sri lanka. This happened end of 1980's. when there were jvp troubles in sri lanla. once a police man was travelling in his jeep. and was looking for any suspected people, those days its regular to see police jeeps on the road, so as he drove by, one man suddenly appear into the road, and as soon as he saw the jeep. he ran in to the jungle.
The policeman saw this, he stop the jeep and was looking for this suspected man, those days it regular to see police jeeps on the road,. and he saw one of the bush were shaking, he pointed the gun to the bush and shouted"surrender" (yatathwenna)and this poor man came out and said "ow sir renda thama giye".

Little Johnny walks into school one day to find a substitute in place of his regular teacher.

She says, "Hello class, I'm Mrs. Prussy. When you say my name class remember it has an "r" after the first letter."

The entire class says, "Hello Mrs. Prussy."

A few days later the regular teacher is still sick when Little Johnny gets to his desk the teacher asks what her name is.

Johnny thinks hard and the says to the teacher, "I remember it has an "r" after the first letter."

"That's right!" she coaxed.

Then after a few seconds Little Johnny says, "Mrs. Crunt?"

Being a parent changes everything. But being a parent also changes with each baby. Here are some of the ways having a second and third child is different from having your first.Your Clothes1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible. 3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.---------------Preparing for the Birth1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.---------------The Layette1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?---------------Worries1st baby: At the first sign more...

Little Johnny walks into school one day to find a substitute in place of his regular teacher. She says, "Hello class, I'm Mrs. Prussy. When you say my name class remember it has an "r" after the first letter." The entire class says, "Hello Mrs. Prussy." A few days later the regular teacher is still sick when Little Johnny gets to his desk the teacher asks what her name is. Johnny thinks hard and the says to the teacher, "I remember it has an "r" after the first letter." "That's right!" she coaxed. Then after a few seconds Little Johnny says, "Mrs. Crunt?"

This is not only philosophical but is obviously pure science.
A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.
This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular culling of the weakest members.
In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
In this way regular consumption of beer eliminates the
weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. So that's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.