Reindeer Jokes / Recent Jokes

Why are sheep always in a field? Because they can’t get out!
Who gives my cat his Christmas presents? Santa Paws!
Who gives my other cat his Christmas presents? Santa Claws!
What did the hat say to the scarf? You hang around while i go ahead!
Whats the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs!
What did mary say to santa during the storm? Look at that rain, dear!
Where do plumbers buy there presents? Bath!
Why is it best to park your car near the moon? Because there is a lot of space!
What is the use of reindeer? It makes the garden grow sweetie!
How many legs does rudolph have? Four? No, six. - he’s got forelegs and two back legs!
What game do six reindeer play in the back of a mini? Squash!
Why did the reindeer take his nose apart? To see what made it run!
What do you call a reindeer that has a number on its tail? Reg!
Did you hear the story of the 3 reindeer? No. Oh deer, Oh deer, Oh deer
Why do more...

Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at
a certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter "the House)
a general lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not
limited to a mouse.

A variety of foot apparel, e. g. stocking, socks, etc., had been affixed
by and around the chimney in said House in the hope and/or belief
that St. Nick a/k/a/ St. Nicholas a/k/a/ Santa Claus hereinafter ("Claus)
would arrive at sometime thereafter.

The minor residents, i. e. the children, of the aforementioned House,
were located in their individual beds and were engaged in nocturnal
hallucinations, i. e. dreams, wherein vision of confectionery treats,
including, but not limited to, candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did
dance, cavort and otherwise appear in said dreams.

Whereupon the party of the first part (sometimes hereinafter referred
to as "I), being more...

Christmas was over. Santa and his reindeer finally had a chance to rest. And they deserved it. They had done a good job. Rudolph had a chance to do something he had wanted to do for a long time. He made an appointment with a plastic surgeon because he was so sensitive about his looks.
However it wasn't his glowing proboscis that he wanted changed. He was proud of his
nose and the help he had given Santa because of it. No, he was sensitive about his long ears which were much more prominent than the ears of the average reindeer, or bear for that matter.
So one week after Christmas, he let the good doctor do the pinna reconstructive surgery procedure, and since that time, January 1st has been celebrated as. .. New Ears Day.

Original: Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer. ..
Translation: Rudolph was a four-hooved ungulate, Original: Had a very shiny nose. ..
Translation: Who, incidentally, possessed a nasal appendage of a maroon lustre. Original: And if you ever saw him. ..
Translation: Consequently, if circumstances were to present themselves that he ever came into your view, Original: You would even say it glows. ..
Translation: You would most undoubtedly remark at to its illuminary qualities. Original: All of the other reindeer. ..
Translation: The multitude of other members of the population in his ecological community, Original: Used to laugh and call him names. ..
Translation: Had previously teased, chuckled boisterously, and dubbed him unspeakable pseudonyms - the objective of which was to lower his self-esteem and make him miserable. Original: They never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games. ..
Translation: They also excluded him from participation in leisure more...

IMMEDIATE DOWNSIZING MEASURES EMPLOYED
The recent announcement that Donner and Blitzen have elected to take the early reindeer retirement package has triggered a good deal of concern about whether they will be replaced, and about other restructuring
decisions at the North Pole.
Streamlining is due to the North Pole's loss of dominance of this season's gift distribution business. Home shopping channels, the Internet, and mail order catalogs have diminished Santa's market share. He could not sit idly by and permit further erosion of the profit picture.
The reindeer downsizing was made possible through the purchase of a late model Japanese sled for the CEO's annual trip. Improved productivity from Dasher and Dancer--who will retrain at the Harvard Business
School--is anticipated. Reduction in reindeer will also lessen airborne environmental emissions for which the North Pole has received unfavorable press.
I am pleased to inform you that Rudolph's role will more...

Positive Thinking for Christmas
Lately there's been a lot of negative images and about Christmas conjured up. Usually it's from TV, movies, books, and the Internet. This makes for a sad, dreary Christmas, just the opposite, as what it should be. To cheer up the dreariness, caused by these negatives, the following list should be used. First is listed the negative idea or image. Then is the positive thinking needed to replace those negatives. So with positive thinking everyone will have a Joyous and Happy Christmas Season.
1. Negative
On TV and in movies Santa Claus shown as a drunk being hauled of to jail.
Positive
Think of how easy it is to get a bicycle, instead of your usual lump of coal, by mugging Santa.
2. Negative
How Santa might not get to your house before morning, because of a blizzard.
Positive
How fast the sled and reindeer can fly with a 60 mile per hour tail wind.
3. Negative
Elfs going on strike and there are no toys in the more...

'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck. ..
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves",
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.

And labor conditions at the north pole
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.
Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!
The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E. P. A.
And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops.
Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur trimmed red suit was called more...